Daily Reprieve

From Courage to Change of January 11;

I feel like the luckiest person in the world because I’ve found a second family, and I am a very real part of it. In my new family, I am accepted just as I am. I never have to pretend, or wear a mask over my feelings. I can speak freely and know that my words won’t leave the room.

In my new family, people empathize when I share my troubles. But instead of trying to solve my problems for me, they allow me the dignity to do so on my own. They do offer their experience, strength, and hope, and in this sharing  often hear just what I need to help me with a troublesome situation.

In my new family, love is not a point system. I don’t have to earn love from others – it’s given freely as a gift. I don’t have to earn my place in the sun, I can just relax and be myself.

Today’s Reminder

When a loved one’s alcoholism brought me to Al-Anon, I found a new, second family, a family that helped me discover the me that had been hidden for so long, a family that will always be there for me. Today I will enjoy having a place where I really belong.

“For me, alcoholism has proven to be a bittersweet legacy – bitter, because of the pain I suffered, and sweet, because if t weren’t for that pain, I wouldn’t have searched for and found a better way of living.” ~ Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism

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“See, your hard won wisdom is going to be invaluable to me.” The voice that spoke these words to me has walked closely with me in the “hard-won” part of the journey. She is dealing with someone she suspects is caught in the web of addiction. I am glad that she is here to share in the “wisdom.”

I am not sure that I have gained a second family as much as I have a second shot at family. And since I have had to work on myself in order to overcome both addiction in myself and others, I can move further with genuine intimacy. The purpose of the group helps me to become a better version of me, and thus that is reflected with the way I relate to others. As I become more truthful with myself, I can become so with others. And when I no longer see that truthfulness as a threat, I can accept it from others. I can care about others without losing myself in the process. And they can care about me without being taken hostage. It is an ongoing process to cultivate this bittersweet legacy of overcoming alcoholism and co-dependency.

From Courage to Change of January 10;

I suspect that if I reclaimed all the minutes, hours, and days I’ve sacrificed to worry and fear, I’d add years to my life. When I succumb to worry, I open a Pandora’s box of terrifying pictures, paranoid voices, and relentless self-criticism. The more attention I pay to this mental static, the more I lose my foothold in reality. Then nothing useful can be accomplished.

To break the cycle of worry and fear, I’m learning to focus all my attention on this very moment. I can turn away from destructive thoughts and concentrate instead on the sights and sounds around me: light and shadows, the earth beneath my feet, the pulse of everyday living – all pieces of the here-and-now. These bits of reality help rescue me from “what ifs” and “should haves” by anchoring me in the present. Prayer and meditation, the slogans, and phone calls to Al-Anon friends are other sources of serenity that bring me back to this moment. As I shut out the noise, I am more receptive to my Higher Power’s will, and therefore much more able to work my way through difficult times.

Today’s Reminder

This day is all I have to work with, and it is all I need. If I am tempted to worry about tomorrow’s concerns, I will gently bring my mind back to today.

“The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exist. Ours only is the present’s tiny point.” ~ Mahmud Shabistari

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It resonates with me, this realization that I have spent so much time in negative rumination.  I have felt the painful flames of shadow dragons. These visions of darkness and abandonment become real as I entertain their possibility. I know that my hope is to protect myself, to surround and fend off the . . . fill in the blank.

I have been listening to the audio set for Natalie Goldberg’s “Writing Down the Bones.” It is spiritually soothing for me to know about her writing practice that combines lessons learned in Zen meditation. Many of her suggestions to help writers to go ahead and write can be applied to the self going ahead and living in this moment.

I am learning to trust the way that is laid before me, to take responsibility for the tasks and let my Higher Power convert that raw material to fulfillment.  I will gently bring my mind back to today. Yes, I believe I will.