Daily Reprieve

From the Daily Reflections of November 4;

. . . when they [self-examination, meditation and prayer] are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable foundation for life.  (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 98)

The last three Steps of the program invoke God’s loving discipline upon my willful nature. If I devote just a few moments every night to a review of the highlights of my day, along with an acknowledgement of those aspects that didn’t please me so much, I gain a personal history of myself, one that is essential to my journey into self-discovery. I was able to note my growth, or lack of it, and to ask in prayerful meditation to be relieved of those continuing shortcomings that cause me pain. Meditation and prayer also teach me the art of focusing and listening. I find that the turmoil of the day gets tuned out as I pray for His will and guidance. The practice of asking Him to help me in my strivings for perfection puts a new slant on the tedium of any day, because I know there is honor in any job done well. The daily discipline of prayer and meditation will keep me in fit spiritual condition, able to face whatever the day brings-without the thought of a drink.

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I am looking for a balanced ego that can embrace such simple disciplines. My ego chafes at its place of submission with a Higher Power. It uses the art of extremes to assert its independence, and that is when I am cut off from the life-giving source of the Infinite One.  I either go limp, or I play god. Becoming limp initially seems spiritual. I have “surrendered” and I am no longer in control.  Whatever happens, God rules, while I drool. Life piles up on me, and I feel abandoned.  Then I decide to go to the other extreme and face life on my terms. I slash and burn my way trying to achieve an unassailable fortress, finding instead an inescapable prison.

For me, I have had to understand what part of life belongs to a very real and active God, and what part of life belongs to an embryonic god (another way of saying child of god) such as myself. God is in charge of the RESULTS of my life, and I am in charge of the WORK that is revealed as I go along. Knowing I am an embryonic god means that if I do not work in my life, it does not get done. Going limp is not an option.  When I attempt to take my finite understanding and order the Universe as pleases my imagination, I am going to meet a great deal of resistance. The daily discipline of AA helps me to know my work, my place, and share a vision with Gomu.

(Image Credit: “Balance” by QuantomStarBox )

From the Daily Reflections of November 3;

There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation, and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit.   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 98)

If I do my self-examination first, then surely, I’ll have enough humility to pray and meditate-because I’ll see and feel my need for them. Some wish to begin and end with prayer, leaving the self-examination and meditation to take place in between, whereas others start with meditation, listening for advice from God about their still hidden or unacknowledged defects. Still others engage in written and verbal work on their defects, ending with a prayer of praise and thanksgiving. These three — self-examination, meditation and prayer — form a circle, without a beginning or an end. No matter where, or how, I start, I eventually arrive at my destination: a better life.

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Gomu leads me to recreate my life.  When I am involved in self-examination, I am given to obsessive work.  When I am involved in meditation, it is about surrender to a walking, but alert, trance while I attempt to see beyond the urgent reality. When I pray, I am seeking to express my most intense need and desires to One I have concluded actually gives a damn about me and my particulars.  They are not as neatly packed into the day as I would like, but they all surge into prominence at the right time when I am seeking conscious contact with my Higher Power.  The funny thing is, I have grown somewhat addicted to the altered state of mind I achieve while in meditation. I do not expect this obsession to turn against me as long as I take what I gain and turn it into packing myself into the stream of life becoming a useful member of the human race.

From the Daily Reflections of November 2;

The other Steps can keep most of us sober and somehow functioning. But Step Eleven can keep us growing, . . .   (The Language of the Heart, page 240)

A sober alcoholic finds it much easier to be optimistic about life. Optimism is the natural result of my finding myself gradually able to make the best, rather than the worst, of each situation. As my physical sobriety continues, I come out of the fog, gain a clearer perspective and am better able to determine what courses of action to take. As vital as physical sobriety is, I can achieve a greater potential for myself by developing an ever-increasing willingness to avail myself of the guidance and direction of a Higher Power. My ability to do so comes from my learning-and practicing-the principles of the A.A. program. The melding of my physical and spiritual sobriety produces the substance of a more positive life.

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I refer to my physical sobriety as abstinence.  I know how to achieve abstinence in AA.  Mostly, when I speak of sobriety, it is spiritual sobriety that I am considering.  I think most of us view emotional and spiritual sobriety as the same thing.  I do not.  I think emotional stability and the predominance of serenity are fruits of spiritual sobriety.  It is a life of continuous improvement.  The belief that I have arrived sets me up to rest on my spiritual laurels.  Seeking progress rather than perfection is my goal.  This is the primary source and fruit of my optimism.