Daily Reprieve

From the Daily Reflections of October 14;

When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. . . . On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. . . . Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 86)

I lacked serenity. With more to do than seemed possible, I fell further behind, no matter how hard I tried. Worries about things not done yesterday and fear of tomorrow’s deadlines denied me the calm I needed to be effective each day. Before taking Steps Ten and Eleven, I began to read passages like the one cited above. I tried to focus on God’s will, not my problems, and to trust that He would manage my day. It worked! Slowly, but it worked!

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It is really pathetic when I try to manage the results of life.  I am filled with stress and I view people as things to be managed and manipulated.  I am filled with self-judgment in failing to express the unquestionable authority and infinite power necessary to fulfill such expectations.  My designated area of living is to perform tasks as revealed through my connection with God and other life representatives.  I do tasks.  Gomu (God of my understanding) does results.  I perform tasks effectively when I stay connected.  This is simple enough for me to hook in.  It does work.  I need this simple vigilance to embrace the task and release the results.

(Unable to locate artist for image – viral on internet with no credit)

From the Daily Reflections of October 13;

Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 84)

The immediate admission of wrong thoughts or actions is a tough task for most human beings, but for recovering alcoholics like me it is difficult because of my propensity toward ego, fear and pride. The freedom the A.A. program offers me becomes more abundant when, through unremitting inventories of myself, I admit, acknowledge and accept responsibility for my wrong-doing. It is possible then for me to grow into a deeper and better understanding of humility. My willingness to admit when the fault is mine facilitates the progression of my growth and helps me to become more understanding and helpful to others.

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Humility is something that I can easily associate with being a beaten, sad, servant to the harsh voices of self-loathing.  That is the state of humiliation given me in my active alcoholism.  Humility does not come from the inward duress of self-hatred.   The recovery program begins to feed me the confidence that my life can change as demonstrated in the abstinence of alcohol and the mysterious state of neutrality towards it that is given to us in the process.  I then gain realizations that I am so much more when I have a character worth sharing.  I see that all that I desire to have in my own life is made truly possible in the respect of other lives.  My greatest force for my personal empowerment comes from recognizing my part in a disturbing situation and using that as a seed of spiritual transformation in unity with the Fellowship and Gomu (God of my understanding).

[Image by Dan Saunders via Bioglow]