Daily Reprieve

From the Daily Reflections of October 5;

For the wise have always known that no one can make much of his life until self-searching becomes a regular habit, until he is able to admit and accept what he finds, and until he patiently and persistently tries to correct what is wrong.   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 88)

I have more than enough to handle today, without dragging along yesterday’s baggage too. I must balance today’s books, if I am to have a chance tomorrow. So I ask myself if I have erred and how I can avoid repeating that particular behavior. Did I hurt anyone, did I help anyone, and why? Some of today is bound to spill over into tomorrow, but most of it need not if I make an honest daily inventory.

END OF QUOTE

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This is straightforward encouragement to establish and maintain the daily moral inventory.  This is a task were Gomu (God of my understanding) stands back, and lets me practicing being a God-embryo.  It will not and cannot be done for me.  Every time I do it, it is recorded within me that my emotional stability and spiritual sobriety are important to me.  When I neglect it, some catalyzing pain is on its way to help me.  If I embrace life as one big ball of futility completely out of my control, I may surrender to alcoholic oblivion.  Finding my part in the ugly things that have happened in my life is a necessary skill for unshackling my life from them.  Finding my part to play in recovery is a necessary skill for building an effective and meaningful life.

From the Daily Reflections of October 4;

. . . we know that the pains of drinking had to come before sobriety, and emotional turmoil before serenity.   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 94)

I love spending time in my garden feeding and pruning my beautiful flowers. One day, as I was busily snipping away, a neighbor stopped by. She commented, “Oh! Your plants are so beautiful, it seems such a shame to cut them back.” I replied, “I know how you feel, but the excess must be removed so they can grow stronger and healthier.” Later I thought that perhaps my plants feel pain, but God and I know it’s part of the plan and I’ve seen the results. I was quickly reminded of my precious A.A. program and how we all grow through pain. I ask God to prune me when it’s time, so I can grow.

END OF QUOTE

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And we return to the catalyst effect of pain.  I have often thought that once we become adults, we simply do not grow without pain instigating it and being apart of the process.  I suppose that may be why alcoholics tend to be stunted in their maturity.  We have used alcohol to numb the pain.  We achieve without the inner stability and fortitude to steward those achievements and their associated relationships.  Yet I should avoid the deliberate manufacture of pain, for that is often the disease attempting to justify itself as a solution.  Let life schedule the events and God take control of the results.  I focus on working the tasks that are apart of recovery.  When the pain comes, I work through it, or with it?  This seems to be the life of spiritual empowerment.  I am the plant accepting the painful pruning from Gomu(God of my understanding) who really loves this recovery nursery.

From the Daily Reflections of October 3;

Someone who knew what he was talking about once remarked that pain was the touchstone of all spiritual progress. How heartily we A.A.’s can agree with him. . . .  (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, pages 93-94)

When on the roller coaster of emotional turmoil, I remember that growth is often painful. My evolution in the A.A. program has taught me that I must experience the inner change, however painful, that eventually guides me from selfishness to selflessness. If I am to have serenity, I must STEP my way past emotional turmoil and its subsequent hangover, and be grateful for continuing spiritual progress.

END OF QUOTE

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In the given text  from the Twelve and Twelve, I had problems with the phrase, “pain was the touchstone of all spiritual progress.”  I looked up the definition for touchstone and it did not fit in the context it was taken from. Catalyst would have been a better choice.  I talked with someone in tonight’s meeting about this phrase.  He said that a sponsor had explained it to him that when pain comes our way, we will have a choice in the way we respond to it.  We will either drink or seek a spiritual solution.  The way we respond to that painful call for a decision will reveal our spiritual progress.  That makes sense to me.

The contributor defined spiritual progress as an inner change, possibly painful, that leads me from selfishness to selflessness.  For me, it is more accurate to say that it is a move from isolating selfishness to a willingness to sacrifice for a greater good.  The only time a human being is truly selfless is when he is rotting in the grave.  Selfless is defined as “having little or no concern for oneself.”  That just seems dangerous in recovery.  I have to have some desire for self-preservation and some ambition to live a better life and reap its fruits.  To me, selflessness is what you feel when you have made the decision to commit suicide and you are giving everything away.  So I seek to connect, to move beyond isolating selfishness, and in connection with the recovery network and Gomu (God of my understanding), I seek the will of my Higher Power, which will lead me to a common good for which I have grown willing to make sacrifices.

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