In reference to the request for prayer I sent out in Endigar 413, I may have gotten an answer. I have been taking notes from the Big Book as I move along with the inventory. I finished notes on the resentment section and then got the thought that it would be good to get notes from the 12 & 12 as well. I came across the following;
“Instincts on rampage balk at investigation. The minute we make a serious attempt to probe them, we are liable to suffer severe reactions”
I did not remember reading this before. The next paragraph on page 45 really caught my attention:
“If temperamentally we are on the depressive side, we are apt to be swamped with guilt and self-loathing. We wallow in this messy bog, often getting a misshapen and painful pleasure out of it. As we morbidly pursue this melancholy activity, we may sink to such a point of despair that nothing but oblivion looks possible as a solution. Here, of course, we have lost all perspective, and therefore all genuine humility. For this is pride in reverse. This is not a moral inventory at all; it is the very process by which the depressive has so often been led to the bottle and extinction.”
On page 46 it continues;
“At this stage of the inventory proceedings, our sponsors come to the rescue. They can do this, for they are the carriers of A.A.’s tested experience with Step Four. They comfort the melancholy one by first showing him that his case is not strange or different, that his character defects are probably no more numerous or worse than those of anyone else in A.A. This the sponsor promptly proves by talking freely and easily, and without exhibitionism, about his own defects, past and present. This calm, yet realistic, stock-taking is immensely reassuring. The sponsor probably points out that the newcomer has some assets which can be noted along with his liabilities. This tends to clear away morbidity and encourage balance. As soon as he begins to be more objective, the newcomer can fearlessly, rather that fearfully, look at his own defects.”
After I read this, I looked down at my cell phone and saw that I had a text message from an intimate friend; “my curiosity – have you told your sponsor exactly how this fourth step makes you feel and why?”
I had the recurring thought that I should call my sponsor and talk to him about this, but I had put it off because I wanted to be able to tell him that I am finished and ready to take the 5th. (The 5th step, not the amendment).
So I called my sponsor and left a message on his voice mail. I think it would probably be a good idea to include an asset list, but I am awaiting confirmation. I am doing my best not to direct the show.
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Sponsor: “Don’t get stuck in the paralysis of analysis. Just get it down on paper and we will deal with it.”
Daily Reprieve 