Archive for October 8, 2008

Endigar 96

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on October 8, 2008 by endigar

Amends are now at 53% complete.  This evening’s amends with someone from the church I was apart of.  He said that I had never wronged him, that I owed him nothing.  He said that he had only been concerned.  He left the church eight months ago, and we actually had several areas that we related to one another.  He suggested I read a book written by his friend called, “Stop the church, I want to get off.” 

I finally watched the movie “What Dreams may Come.”  was a good image of the afterlife and a powerful romance.  But it has aroused my love.  Anyone I love, I feel it so much stronger tonight.  But I do not trust love to stay, so I would rather not feel this.  I hurt.  I cannot stop myself from weeping.  Why? 

I think I will go to bed before I embarrass myself once more.

Leave a comment »

Endigar 95

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on October 8, 2008 by endigar

If you live in the Birmingham area and need a counselor knowledgeable of addiction, I highly recommend Paul Brown.  He has an empathetic gift, and an ability to help you restate your thoughts more clearly.  That is really helpful in muddling through with a physical craving and mental obsession snapping at your heels.  His website is [www.pbrownacsw.com].  I will add it as a link to this site as well.  He helped me know that I wanted to be able to believe again, but that I just didn’t want to be deceived and robbed of valuable life investment once more.  He helped me to understand that I don’t just desire to know truth, but I desire clarity.  And he gave me the following prayer when I was struggling so with the whole Higher Power thing:

“MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going.  I do not see the road ahead of me.  I cannot know for certain where it will end.  Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.  But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.  And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.  I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.  And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.  Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.  I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

Thomas Merton – Thoughts in Solitude

Leave a comment »