Archive for Life

Endigar 437 ~ Letting Go of Our Old Selves

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on June 4, 2014 by endigar

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything, for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. . . .Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable?   (Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 75 – 76)

The Sixth Step is the last “preparation” Step. Although I have already used prayer extensively, I have made no formal request of my Higher Power in the first Six Steps. I have identified my problem, come to believe that there is a solution, made a decision to seek this solution, and have “cleaned house.” I now ask: Am I willing to live a life of sobriety, of change, to let go of my old self? I must determine if I am truly ready to change. I review what I have done and become willing for God to remove all my defects of character; for in the next Step, I will tell my Creator I am willing and will ask for help. If I have been thorough in the preparation of my foundation and feel that I am willing to change, I am then ready to continue with the next Step. “If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 76)

END OF QUOTE

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Chosen 15

I am ready.  I am ready for all to be removed by event or process.  I am ready to manifest my truest form of connected self, my most powerful expression.  I know that I cannot do this on my own.  I surrender to that reality.  I will seek help from Gomu (the God of my understanding), from the principles of the Steps, and from my human support network in the Fellowship of AA.

Chosen 16

Endigar 436 ~ On a Wing and a Prayer

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on June 3, 2014 by endigar

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

. . . we then look at Step Six.  We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 76)

Steps Four and Five were difficult, but worthwhile.  Now I was stuck on Step Six and , in despair, I picked up the Big Book and read this passage.  I was outside, praying for willingness, when I raised my eyes and saw a huge bird rising in the sky.  I watched it suddenly give itself up to the powerful air current of the mountains.  Swept along, swooping and soaring, the bird did things seemingly impossible for mortal birds to do.  It was an inspiring example of a fellow creature “letting go” to a power greater than itself.  I realized that if the bird “took back his will” and tried to fly with less trust, on its power alone, it would spoil it apparent free flight.  That insight granted me the willingness to pray the Seventh Step prayer.

It’s not easy to know God’s will in each circumstance.  I must search out and be ready for the currents, and that’s where prayer and meditation help!  Because I am, of myself, nothing, I ask God to grant me the knowledge of His will and the power and courage to carry it out – today.

END OF QUOTE

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self corrections

What if I replaced the words alcohol and liquor with “our short-comings” in the following quote from the Big Book on pages 84 to 85?

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone – even [our short-comings] . For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in [our short-comings]. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward [our short-comings ] has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality – safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.

There is a qualifier in the 12 & 12, page 65;

” This does not mean that we expect all our character defects to be lifted out of us as the drive to drink was. A few of them may be, but with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement. The words “entirely ready” underline the fact that we want to aim at the very best we know or can learn. “

I suspect that if we have the willingness of removal in Step Six and petition the Higher Power in Step Seven, that our short-comings or character defects will be removed unless there is something else to learn from them.  The fact that I have to ask for their removal shows that I have a powerlessness over them and need help from God.  I should not respond to what I perceive to be a persistent failing with self castigation or isolated ego driven will power.  It is an opportunity to enter an invisible classroom, to practice listening and learning to the God in us and in others.

I am entirely ready to have my character defects removed, either by miraculous intervention or by a classroom process.  Sometimes the bird glides and other times it has to flap those wings, but it always has to trust in the wind it cannot see.

wedgy_5342_big

Endigar 435 ~ The Upward Path

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on June 2, 2014 by endigar

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

Here are the steps we took. . . .   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 59)

These are the words that lead into the Twelve Steps. In their direct simplicity they sweep aside all psychological and philosophical considerations about the rightness of the Steps. They describe what I did: I took the Steps and sobriety was the result. These words do not imply that I should walk the well-trodden path of those who went before, but rather that there is a way for me to become sober and that it is a way I shall have to find. It is a new path, one that leads to infinite light at the top of the mountain. The Steps advise me about the footholds that are safe and about chasms to avoid. They provide me with the tools I need during the many parts of the solitary journey of my soul. When I speak of this journey, I share my experience, strength and hope with others.

END OF QUOTE

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This resonates with me today.  The Steps are not a sterile system of tasks to be reproduced in lockstep with icons of recovery.  I must own and integrate them into the delights and anguish of my life.  Connected to my God and the Fellowship, I travel this “solitary journey of my soul.”

“When I speak of this journey, I share my experience, strength and hope with others.”  Yes.  So say we all.

Endigar 434 ~ A Changed Outlook

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on June 1, 2014 by endigar

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 84)

When I was drinking, my attitude was totally selfish, totally self-centered; my pleasure and my comfort came first. Now that I am sober, self-seeking has started to slip away. My whole attitude toward life and other people is changing. For me, the first “A” in our name stands for attitude. My attitude is changed by the second “A” in our name, which stands for action. By working the Steps, attending meetings, and carrying the message, I can be restored to sanity. Action is the magic word! With a positive, helpful attitude and regular A.A. action, I can stay sober and help others to achieve sobriety. My attitude now is that I am willing to go to any length to stay sober!

END OF QUOTE

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My alcoholic attitude was one of isolation and distrust.  My outlook on life was depressive and fearful.  Alcohol gave me the stupid grin of oblivion.   That life is fading.

I am being introduced to the actual me. I am finding a life in which I am useful and rewarded for my courage, rather than punished for my bravado.  I desire action and the opportunity to serve.  The image of being trapped by unrealistic expectations is crumbling.

It is a work in progress, and it is one that I embrace.

Endigar 433 ~ Readiness to Serve Others

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on May 31, 2014 by endigar

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

. . . our Society has concluded that it has but one high mission – to carry the A.A. message to those who don’t know there’s a way out.  (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 151)

The “Light” to freedom shines bright on my fellow alcoholics as each one of us challenges the other to grow. The “Steps” to self-improvement have small beginnings, but each Step builds the “ladder” out of the pit of despair to new hope. Honesty becomes my “tool” to unfurl the “chains” which bound me. A sponsor, who is a caring listener, can help me to truly hear the message guiding me to freedom.

I ask God for the courage to live in such a way that the Fellowship may be a testimony to His favor. This mission frees me to share my gifts of wellness through a spirit of readiness to serve others.

END OF QUOTE

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One High Mission (Primary Purpose):  Carry the A.A. message to those who don’t know there’s a way out.

Fellowship:  Provides a Light to freedom that challenges us to grow.  It is to serve as a testimony to the favor of the Higher Power.  My personal contribution is Courage to live in a certain way.

Steps:  Provides self-improvement and ladder to escape despair and find new hope.  My personal contribution to the effectiveness of the steps is Honesty.

Sponsorship:  Provides a caring listener that can help me hear the message, while I unfurl (inventory) the chains of my bondage.  My contribution is to share my Gifts of Wellness through a Spirit of Readiness to Serve Others.

Endigar 432 ~ Our Primary Purpose

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on May 30, 2014 by endigar

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

The more A.A. sticks to its primary purpose, the greater will be its helpful influence everywhere.  (A.A. Comes of Age, page 109)

It is with gratitude that I reflect on the early days of our Fellowship and those wise and loving “foresteppers” who proclaimed that we should not be diverted from our primary purpose, that of carrying the message to the alcoholic who still suffers.

I desire to impart respect to those who labor in the field of alcoholism, being ever mindful that A.A. endorses no causes other than its own. I must remember that A.A. has no monopoly on miracle making and I remain humbly grateful to a loving God who made A.A. possible.

END OF QUOTE

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When I read this, several thoughts come to mind.  Focus brings efficiency.  Focused simplicity is preferable to diverted complication.  I have been taught this and have experienced what happens when I pile too many side issues into my recovery.  I get stuck.  confused.  I feel panic.

When I walk into the fellowship, I become part of the primary purpose.  I am grateful.  I am responsible.

Endigar 431 ~ True Tolerance

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on May 29, 2014 by endigar

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking.  (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 139)

I first heard the short form of the Third Tradition in the Preamble. When I came to A.A. I could not accept myself, my alcoholism, or a Higher Power. If there had been any physical, mental, moral, or religious requirements for membership, I would be dead today. Bill W. said in his tape on the Traditions that the Third Tradition is a charter for individual freedom. The most impressive thing to me was the feeling of acceptance from members who were practicing the Third Tradition by tolerating and accepting me. I feel acceptance is love and love is God’s will for us.

END OF QUOTE

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zombi3fog

“I would be dead today.”  I needed a bridge out of the nightmare realm of not being able to accept myself, my Higher Power, or my alcoholism.  I had nothing I would or could give and so the bridge I needed must not demand I pay a toll to cross.  I am now in training to become a bridge builder myself, by working the steps to move from physical abstinence to spiritual sobriety.  The idea that this third tradition tolerance is a charter for individual freedom resonates strongly.

Endigar 430 ~ Equal Rights

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on May 28, 2014 by endigar

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

At one time or another most A.A. groups go on rule-making benders. . . After a time fear and intolerance subside. [and we realize] We do not wish to deny anyone his chance to recover from alcoholism. We wish to be just as inclusive as we can, never exclusive.   (“A.A. Tradition: How it Developed,” pages 10, 11, 12)

A.A. offered me complete freedom and accepted me into the Fellowship for myself. Membership did not depend upon conformity, financial success or education and I am so grateful for that. I often ask myself if I extend the same equality to others or if I deny them the freedom to be different. Today I try to replace my fear and intolerance with faith, patience, love and acceptance. I can bring these strengths to my A.A. group, my home and my office. I make an effort to bring my positive attitude everywhere that I go.

I have neither the right, nor the responsibility, to judge others. Depending on my attitude I can view newcomers to A.A., family members and friends as menaces or as teachers. When I think of some of my past judgments, it is clear how my self-righteousness caused me spiritual harm.

END OF QUOTE

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“The rule is that we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others.”  (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 74)

What keeps freedom from being abdication of responsibility?  When does the notion of tolerance become the social slumber of apathy?  In the beginning, A.A. was able to offer me complete freedom and acceptance because the tyranny of alcoholism was threatening my survival.  If I did not comply with the program that was suggested as a means of recovery, everything I loved, including my own life, could be taken from me.

A.A. was an underground refuge of freedom in a world of alcoholic oblivion.

Ultimately, I must have a spiritual awakening in order to keep that negative freedom from alcohol and turn it to the positive freedom of personal power.  Armed with tools of internal transformation, I can give to myself more than tolerance.  I have become someone I accept and appreciate.

When I know the miracle of my own growth and empowerment, others can no longer threaten me.  I trust them to the same process that helped me to embrace my life.

I have just added a new page; The 82 Occurrences of the Word Must in the BB.  I took it from the following page (and sourced them in the page):

http://home.earthlink.net/~insure/Big_Book_Musts.html

 

Endigar 429 ~ No Maudlin Guilt

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on May 27, 2014 by endigar

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

Day by day, we try to move a little toward God’s perfection. So we need not be consumed by maudlin guilt. . . .   (As Bill Sees It, page 15)

When I first discovered that there is not a single “don’t” in the Twelve Steps of A.A., I was disturbed because this discovery swung open a giant portal. Only then was I able to realize what A.A. is for me:

A.A.is not a program of “don’ts,” but of “do’s.”

A.A. is not martial law; it is freedom.
A.A. is not tears over defects, but sweat over fixing them.
A.A. is not penitence; it is salvation.
A.A. is not “Woe to me” for my sins, past and present.
A.A. is “Praise God” for the progress I am making today.

END OF QUOTE

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I looked up the word maudlin because I just never use it and have not heard it used that often.  This was the definition I found:

An adjective meaning self-pityingly or tearfully sentimental, often through drunkenness.

The symmetry of the logic is appealing.  I do think that statements that indicate that drinking alcohol and isolated selfishness will kill me are implied “don’ts.”  Nothing is said directly become the program is meant to be suggestive only.

I agree with the spirit of today’s contribution.

Endigar 428 ~ Turning Negative to Positive

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on May 26, 2014 by endigar

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

Our spiritual and emotional growth in A.A. does not depend so deeply upon success as it does upon our failures and setbacks. If you will bear this in mind, I think that your slip will have the effect of kicking you upstairs, instead of down,  (As Bill Sees It, page 184)

In keeping with the pain and adversity which our founders encountered and overcame in establishing A.A., Bill W. sent us a clear message: a relapse can provide a positive experience toward abstinence and a lifetime of recovery. A relapse brings truth to what we hear repeatedly in meetings – “Don’t take that first drink!” It reinforces the belief in the progressive nature of the disease, and it drives home the need for, and beauty of, humility in our spiritual program. Simple truths come in complicated ways to me when I become ego driven.

END OF QUOTE

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“Simple truths come in complicated ways to me when I become ego driven.”  This makes me laugh, because it represents something I have experienced often in the relapse rodeo.  May I and those like me get kicked upstairs and gain a lifetime of recovery.