Endigar 832

From Courage to Change of April 08;

There can be great value in examining the past. It can offer information about the present, as well as clues that might help us make changes for a better future. For those of us who denied, distorted, or lost touch with painful memories, facing the reality of our past can be a critical part of our Al-Anon recovery. Fond memories must also be recognized if we hope to look back in a realistic way.

Still, it is important to remember that the past is over. We are powerless over what has gone before. Although we can take steps to make amends, we cannot change the fact that we have harmed others. And we cannot change the fact that others have harmed us. We have only the power to change this present day.

The best use we can make of the past is to face it and then move on. We can certainly learn from all that we have experienced, but we mustn’t let it hold us back from living here and now.

Today’s Reminder

I will not get so bogged down in dealing with old wounds that I forget about new growth.

“The past is but the beginning of a beginning.” ~ H.G. Wells

 

END OF QUOTE—————————————

It is actually difficult for me to recall my past. It is blurry or lost in neurological oblivion. Writing down the bits and pieces I have helps give me an anchor in the swirl. Talking to others who have been in my life helps me re-acquire some of those memories. Exploring the past takes work for me. Yet I have used that broken swirling mess of a past to keep the courtroom of my vicious resentments staffed and ready to avenge. This courtroom exacts a heavy taxation on my psyche. It prevents me from building trust until all cases on the docket of the anguished child have been cleared.

The 12 Step program stood for my defense when I did not know it was myself I was judging. I began to find memories that affirmed my life rather than to serve as crime scene photos. I learned the utility of detached observation and gained some personal growth. It is a work in progress. It is a work that proclaims the significance of my life right here in the present. This court drama is adjourned. And I am grateful.

 

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