Endigar 783

From Courage to Change of February 20;

One of the first things I heard in Al-Anon was that we didn’t have to accept unacceptable behavior. This idea helped me to see that I need not tolerate violence or abuse, and that I had choices I hadn’t even recognized before. I set some limits, not to control others, but to offer myself guidelines so that I would know what was and was not acceptable and what to do  about it.

A few years later I was congratulating myself on how I no longer had such problems, when I suddenly realized that there was still one person from whom I regularly accepted unacceptable behavior –me! I was continually berating myself and blaming myself when things went wrong. I never gave myself credit for my efforts. I told myself I  was homely, thoughtless, lazy, stupid. I would never say those things to a friend. I realized that until I started  treating myself like a valued friend, I would be standing in the way of my own recovery.

Today’s Reminder

I  have been affected by a disease of attitudes. When I treat myself with love and  approval, I know that I am recovering.

“Let one therefore keep the mind pure, for what a man thinks, that he becomes.” – The Upanishads

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My faith in a Higher Power does a dance with faith in myself. I saw this connection when conducting my moral inventory and realized that most of my resentments were against myself and my God. I cannot build trust in the God of my understanding without likewise building a trust in me for myself. “To thine own self be true” means that I have to get to know me. The 12 Step program provides an opportunity to take myself out on dates and develop an understanding of who I am. That relationship deserves a protection in the boundaries I set. And just like another human being that I would date in pursuit of intimate connection, I must protect it from harsh, hurtful treatment.

I have a family member in the program who received this bit of advice that I think is appropriate here: “If you want self-esteem, do esteemable things.” I think one of those things worthy of esteem is how I choose to treat myself.

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