Daily Reprieve

From the Daily Reflections of October 8;

. . . and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 59)

I was beginning to approach my new life of sobriety with unaccustomed enthusiasm. New friends were cropping up and some of my battered friendships had begun to be repaired. Life was exciting, and I even began to enjoy my work, becoming so bold as to issue a report on the lack of proper care for some of our clients. One day a co-worker informed me that my boss was really sore because a complaint, submitted over his head, had caused him much discomfort at the hands of his superiors. I knew that my report had created the problem, and began to feel responsible for my boss’s difficulty. In discussing the affair, my co-worker tried to reassure me that an apology was not necessary, but I soon became convinced that I had to do something, regardless of how it might turn out. When I approached my boss and owned up to my hand in his difficulties, he was surprised. But unexpected things came out of our encounter, and my boss and I were able to agree to interact more directly and effectively in the future.

END OF QUOTE

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I have some problems with the contributor’s story.  I do not see anything about him talking to others in the recovery network, nor do I read anything about talking to his sponsor, nor anything about prayer and meditation.  It sounds like he made the decision to issue the report and the decision to apologize both in isolation.  If he has a problem with a broken guilt-a-meter from co-dependence or some sort of family abuse, his apology might have been a fear response.  The one person he did talk to, a co-worker, advised him not to apologize.  His boss was taking heat probably because there was some validity to the report.  There was a lack of proper care for some of their clients.  If the boss was part of the problem, going to him to interact directly might not be the best course of action.

I think this points out that we need to talk to Gomu (God of our understanding) and others in the recovery network when we are considering the need for an amends as a result of our daily inventory.  I think to “promptly admit” our confirmed wrong does not mean to impulsively take action without counsel.  It simply means to be proactive in facing the issue.

From the Daily Reflections of October 7;

Continued to take personal inventory. . . .  (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 88)

The spiritual axiom referred to in the Tenth Step—”every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us“—also tells me that there are no exceptions to it. No matter how unreasonable others may seem, I am responsible for not reacting negatively. Regardless of what is happening around me I will always have the prerogative, and the responsibility, of choosing what happens within me. I am the creator of my own reality.

When I take my daily inventory, I know that I must stop judging others. If I judge others, I am probably judging myself. Whoever is upsetting me most is my best teacher. I have much to learn from him or her, and in my heart, I should thank that person.

END OF QUOTE

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This may help me establish a more effective 10th step inventory.  If I carry with me a notepad, and write down every time I am disturbed in any way, from inner anxiety to  outward judgement, I can have a memory back-up and begin a specific analysis of my internal struggle and where I need change.  If something goes really well, I can also write that down as something to sustain.  I now have some spiritual meat hooks which is a metaphor for a pragmatic expression of spiritual encouragement.