Endigar 1115
From Courage to Change of Nov 26:
Feeling that I don’t belong has been a problem all my life. This was especially true when I first came to Al-Anon. My attending seemed wrong because there was no alcohol in my household as a child — it was my grandparents who drank.
At that first meeting, I learned that alcoholism is a family disease. It affects not only the person who drinks, but those who care about him or her. Indeed, the effects of this disease are often passed from one generation to another. When I heard a description of some of those effects, I recognized a profile of myself. For the first time in my life I was with people who knew what I was going through.
Today I see clearly that I have in fact been affected by the family disease of alcoholism. Al-Anon offers me a way to do my part in breaking this family pattern. I can get off the merry-go-round by choosing recovery.
Today’s Reminder
In Al-Anon I find people who understand as few others can. If I have been affected by the drinking of another, I need not doubt that I belong.
“No matter what the difficulty, no matter how unique we may feel, somewhere nearby are men and women with similar stories who have found help, comfort, and hope through recovery in Al-Anon.”
– In All Our Affairs
END OF QUOTE—————————————
I relate to that feeling of not belonging. In my family, I would have members express how close they felt to me, that we had a special relationship. And yet I knew that they did not truly know who I was and that it was the family icon I lived within that they felt close to. My service to those I loved was to make sure that icon lived even at my own expense. I faded.
I joined the military and had expectations of finding a special comradeship that was the legend of war stories. No. It was hit and miss and a continuation of suffering in silence. Entombing myself within myself at times seemed to be a super power. I could become impervious and invulnerable while I did whatever it was that I felt needed to be done for the sake of the group.
And no matter how many people surrounded me, I remained alone.
In the 12 Step program a big part of my work at recovery was recovering myself. My story suddenly became important. I entered a world where I could experience genuine expression. And I was embraced for becoming real. This is my second life and I am grateful for it.
Leave a Reply