Endigar 875

From Courage to Change of May 14:

Al-Anon recovery is a discipline that requires diligence, patience, and consistency for the best results. Regular attendance at meetings, working the Steps, and applying the Al-Anon principles to every part of the day lead to a fuller and more enjoyable life.

At times we see obvious results from our efforts, while at other times we reach plateaus and feel stuck. If we go on putting one foot in front of the other and continue to work the program, we find that all plateaus eventually come to an end. Just when we reach the end of our patience, a doorway seems to open and we suddenly take a huge leap forward. We see that none of the time that passed was wasted; although we didn’t know it, we were quietly absorbing the program. Most of us find that the results were worth the wait.

Today’s Reminder

Whether or not I see immediate benefits, today I choose to keep coming back.

“patience is the key to paradise.”

~ Turkish proverb

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Note: This reflection would have been better with “I” statements rather than “we.” I have found that Al-Anon recovery… When I attend meetings regularly…. At times I see obvious… and so on. We statements move away from sharing personal experience and become preachy. I have found myself accidently stepping up into the pulpit rather than sitting as an equal in the fellowship.

I would love to have the choice to be dilegent, patient, and consistent. How wonderful it would be to live as a machine until the difficult aspects of living are done. Spock repressing emotion in favor of pure logic. Data turning off his emotion chip when facing the Borg. Dexter unresponsive to emotion to do what needed to be done. Sort of. The soldier icon to the max in Termiantor.

Unfortunately, I am not an uncaring machine. I am full of vunerabilites. Emotions blindside my disciplines. Sometimes I connect with my Higher Power and with others in the fellowship. Sometimes, I do not. Recovery can be just as baffling as the disease itself. This is my reality.

My interpretation of the solution is that when windows of sanity open up, use the program with everything that is within me. Connect as effectively as I know how to my Higher Power and the 12 Step Fellowship of my choice. When I fall into the paralysis of rumination, I lower my expectations, my judgements, and ride it out. I try to mitigate the damage of my isolation. I just concentrate on breathing. I allow the machine in me to fail, and divert all energy to life support.

I am working on emotional dominance. I am not there yet.

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