Endigar 859

From Courage to Change of April 29:

I grew up with guilt and blame, amidst harsh criticism and constant fear. Even now, after years of Al-Anon recovery, when past mistakes come to mind I tend to react with guilt, exaggerating the significance of my errors and thinking very badly of myself.

In Al-Anon I’m learning to see myself more realistically. Sure, I have wrestled with alcoholism and taken a fall or two. I’ve made plenty of mistakes that had nothing to do with alcoholism. But I’m not evil. It’s time I stop treating myself as if I were.

There was a time when the only power I felt I had was the power to mess things up. Today, because I am learning to believe in myself and my ability to make a positive contribution to my own life, I am free to look at my mistakes without blowing them out of proportion. I can learn to stop repeating those errors, and I can make amends for the harm I have done.

Today’s Reminder

I will not chain myself to the past with self-defeating guilt, or by inflating the importance of my errors. Instead, I want to face my past and heal old wounds so that I may move forward into a richer, fuller, and more joyous life today.

“You don’t have to suffer continual chaos in order to grow.”

John C. Lilly

END OF QUOTE—————————————

My conscience has adapted to dancing around the pain and anger of the intimate ones in my life. I put a lot of stock in a Father God on the other side of the Veil that needed to be appeased at all times. He is an easily offended entity who might lovingly destroy me. The Higher Power of my 12 Step program seems to be invested in me living a liberated life. I am quite interested in what life will be like after my time here in the training matrix ends. Maybe my other worldly exploration begins here and now with an altered state of conscience.

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