Endigar 804

From Courage to Change of March 12;

What does another person’s mood, tone of voice, or state of inebriation have to do with my course of action. Nothing, unless I decide otherwise.

For example, I have learned that arguing with someone who is intoxicated is like beating my head against a brick wall. Yet, until recently, I would always dive right into the arguments, because that was what the other person seemed to want. In Al-Anon I discovered that I don’t have to react just because I have been provoked, and I don’t have to take harsh words to heart. I can remember that they are coming from someone who may be  in pain , and try to show a little compassion. I certainly don’t have to allow them to provoke me into doing anything I don’t want to do.

Today’s Reminder

Detachment with love means that I stop depending upon what others do, say, or feel to determine my own well-being or to make my decisions. When faced with other people’s destructive attitudes and behavior,  I can  love their best, and never fear their worst.

“. . .  Detachment is not caring less, it’s caring more for my own serenity.” ~ . . . In All Our Affairs

END OF QUOTE—————————————

The paradigm that has helped me the most with compassionate detachment is to see the one I love in an intimate relationship with their anti-self. The goal of this anti-self is to isolate and destroy the individual it has latched onto. When this anti-self takes front and center to engage me, I pull detachment out of my spiritual toolkit and focus on my own serenity which is the ultimate manifestation of the strength of my faith. When the ones I love regain sanity enough to receive it, I have compassion awaiting. In this way, I honor their free will and my own. Al-Anon provides a network of others who are familiar with this struggle.

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