Endigar 803

From Courage to Change of March 11;

“I’ve chosen my epitaph,” says an Al-Anon friend. “I want it to read, ‘He’s finally minding his own business.'”

We laugh, enjoying some relief in contemplating the lighter side of a serious subject, those defects of character that seem so hard to shake. Laughter makes our frailties seem easier to bear, and we can forgive ourselves for our imperfections. What a change from the days when we hid in shame from our flaws or used them to beat ourselves over the head!

My friend and I resolve that in the future we will try less, accept more, and let go of our impatience, self-criticism, and self-hatred. We take a deep breath and say, “Help me, Higher Power. Help me remember that the purpose of making mistakes is to prepare myself to make more; help me remember that when I’m no longer making mistakes I’ll be out of this world.”

Today’s Reminder

In a way, I will always be a beginner. There will always be some new challenge to face because life is ever-changing and so am I. Because of this constant change, ever tiny little action I take involves some risk of making a mistake. It takes courage to participate in life. Today I can applaud myself for trying. I’m doing a terrific job.

“My Higher Power is the confidence within me that makes me unafraid, even unafraid to make mistakes.” ~ As We Understood . . .

END OF QUOTE—————————————

“Middleton Group #1. Rule #62.” Once the card was unfolded, a single pungent sentence leaped to the eye: “Don’t take yourself too damn seriously.”  ~  Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 149.

I hate making mistakes. I feel dirty, ugly, and stupid when my mistakes happen in the public eye. An honest criticism becomes a dismissive judgment of my worth. These feelings I do not want. It hurts and it trips survival alarms in my psyche. My creative, day-dreaming inner child makes me exceptionally vulnerable to error and I have spent a good deal of my life spanking him into the closet, and putting a guard outside the door called Mr. Double-check, from Second-guessing Security. This is an old way of thinking deeply engrained, that I need GOMU’s help changing.

What I have discovered through inventory and much patient prayer is that child carries the energy core of my life. All facets of me are empowered by appreciation and connection with that child. My ability to learn, expand, and mature comes from exposing that child to the interactive world. As an adult, I parent me. Whatever my physical parents could not or would not do to strengthen the voice of that inner child becomes my responsibility to face as an adult.

No more internal child abuse. It is safe to come out now. Mistakes never made are lessons never learned. Life is the ultimate school.

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