Endigar 775

From Courage to Change of February 12;

For me, detachment is relatively easy with casual friends, where I’m not very emotionally involved. I’ve noticed that when I am detached, I can listen to other people being critical or grumpy without being affected. But if members of my family act the same way, I often take on tier negative frame of mind. My own behavior shows me that I have a choice about my response to other people’s moods and attitudes.

What I have learned by comparing these two situations is that detachment involves paying attention to my own mood before I have a chance to take on someone else’s. Then I can simply see and hear negativity or anger, without becoming negative or angry. I don’t have to have a bad day just because someone I love is struggling. This knowledge allows me to let everyone, including myself, feel whatever they feel without interference.

Today’s Reminder

If I pause for a moment before focusing on someone else’s mood, I may find out that I have feelings of my own that deserve attention. I will look for those moments to check in with myself today.

“Detachment allows us to let go of our obsession with another’s behavior and begin to lead happier and more manageable lives, lives with dignity and rights, lives guided by a Power greater than ourselves.” ~Detachment

END OF QUOTE—————————————-

I have only had to practice this detachment on a small scale. My “qualifiers” for the Al-Anon program have either passed away or they are working their own recovery program. I think what I have a problem with is the implied attachment that detachment is supposed to facilitate. I am supposed to find me and keep me from disappearing into various forms of personal neglect for the sake of others. My integrity, emotions, or aspirations should not fade away in a bid to control what cannot be controlled – someone else’s diseased thinking and actions. So even though I may not need to practice the difficult detachment from a loved one who is still in active addiction, I continue to find myself lapsing into personal neglect and withdrawal. Healthy detachment is only possible for me when I care about my own spiritual, emotional and physical well-being and I am willing to put out the effort in day to day living to demonstrate that positive self interest.

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