Endigar 761

From Courage to Change of January 30;

Living with alcoholism, I learned that plans could change at any moment and that rules varied accordingly. I developed a deep mistrust of everyone and everything because I could count on nothing.

As a result, I have often found myself jumping at any opportunity without thinking it through. Behind my action was a sense of desperation: “I’d better grab this now — this may be my only chance.” Al-Anon shows me a different approach: I can live one day at a time. I can base my choices on what I feel is right for me today, rather than on what  fear I might lose sometime in the future. I can think before I react t my fears, and remember that easy does it.

If I feel unable to do something today, I trust that there will be another opportunity if it is something I am meant to do. It doesn’t have to be now or never, all or nothing.

Today’s Reminder

Today I don’t have to b e limited by my old fears. Instead, I can do what seems right. I do not have to follow every suggestion or take every offer I receive. I can consider my options and pray for the guidance to choose what is best for me.

“There is a guidance for each of us, and by lowly listening we shall hear the right word. . . .  Place yourself in the middle of the stream of power and wisdom which flows into your life. Then, without effort, you are impelled to trust and to perfect contentment” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Where does my impulsiveness come from? I know there is a desire to escape. I remember using a window in my bedroom as a way to escape my home as a young teen. When I wanted to get away, I would lock my door and climb out, and flee into the surrounding woods. That locked door allowed me a time to strip naked and run wild through the Talladega National Forest, so to speak. It was short bouts of freedom. I always returned home, but how I loved owning a door to my own world.

From these early days onward I have found there is a pattern of retreat and lunge in my life. I would prefer clarity of direction and a calm, unfaltering power to carry it out. At one time in my life I was in Amway. I remember that part of our training was to understand that most people are more motivated by fear of what they will lose than by an opportunity for gain. So I am not alone in this desperate rush.

Al-Anon has given me some self-reflective questions to ask that might help me live freely one day at a time:

  1. Have I made spiritual connection today for guidance? For power to live?
  2. Since fear mimics the voice of my God, have I made human connections that help me filter that fear and think things through?
  3. Have I accepted both the right and responsibility to do what is right for me; Have I relinquished the need to escape in order to fulfill what is right for me?
  4.  Am I calm enough to write out a plan as a result of these considerations? Am I taking a shovel to the mountain I want to move? Do I trust my God for the results if I put in the effort?
  5. I will fail while trying until I succeed. My plans will be challenged and I will have to adjust. I will only be applauded by most people after I have succeeded. Am I able to live life on life’s terms?

Maybe they will be helpful for you, as well.


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