Endigar 746

From Courage to Change of January 17;

Anyone who watched my interactions with the alcoholics in my life probably would have considered me the crazy one. I was the one who searched from bar to bar, made scenes in public places, and got hysterical over little things. I was also the one who agonized over the alcoholics’s behavior, lied, made apologies and excuses, and resented everything I was doing. Was this same?

Al-Anon was the first place where I ever thought to question my own sanity. I found that I couldn’t overcome the effects of this disease by force of will or reason. As they say, my best thinking got me here. But Al-Anon’s Second Step suggested that a Higher Power could restore me to sanity.

I knew that I felt more rational in an Al-Anon meeting than I did at any other time, and so I turned for help to the Power that seemed to flow through those meetings. From time to time I still have my irrational moments, but I no longer blame my erratic behavior on anyone else. I now know exactly where to turn when I am ready to find sanity once more.

Today’s Reminder

Today I will focus on my own behavior, If it could stand some improvement, I will ask a Power greater than myself for help.

“If we do not change our direction, we are likely to end up where we are headed.” ~ Ancient Chinese proverb

 

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Fear makes me crazy. I have played the part of hero in a story with no narration or plot. Can I stop the self-destruction of those I love? Not without their consent. Isn’t it possible to raise my crazy to a frequency that will override theirs? Doing nothing in the face of perpetual tragedies and humiliations is unacceptable.

Yes, indeed it is. I must work hard. On me.

It seems to me that when I connect with my Higher Power and gain some sanity in my own life, it gives those close to me permission to do the same. I cannot save them, but I can improve their chances by trusting the process of personal transformation through truthful self-evaluation and connecting to a community invested in my sanity, not my crazy.

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