Endigar 728

From Courage to Change of January 02;

Turning to an alcoholic for affection and support can be like going to a hardware store for bread. Perhaps we expect a “good” parent to nurture and support our feelings, or a “loving” spouse to comfort and hold us when we are afraid, or a “caring” child to want to pitch in when we are ill or overwhelmed. While these loved ones may not meet our expectations, it is our expectations, not our loved ones, that have let s down.

Love is expressed in many ways, and those affected by alcoholism may not be able to express it the way we would like. But we can try to recognize love whenever and however it is offered. When it is not, we don’t have to feel deprived; most of us find an unfailing source of love in Al-Anon. With the encouragement and support of others, we learn to treat our needs as important and appropriate, and to treat ourselves as deserving.

Today’s Reminder

Today the alcoholic may or may not be able to give us what we desire. And no one person will ever offer all that we require. If we stop insisting that our needs be met according to our will, we may discover that all the love and support we need is already at our fingertips.

“In Al-Anon I discover in myself the power to throw new light on a seemingly hopeless situation. I learn I must use this power, not to change the alcoholic, over whom I am powerless, but to overcome my own distorted ideas and attitudes.”

One Day at a Time in Al-Anon

END OF QUOTE

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I heard someone in a meeting talk about being lonely and how it is treated as something that must be banished from life. He said that the reality he had to come to terms with was that he had experienced loneliness while with other people and he had also experienced loneliness in solitude. His conclusion was that loneliness was simply a part of life and his own state of mind. It is expectations of what people can achieve in my life that lays the foundation for great disappointment.

I think it is alright to have some expectations. How else would you build trust. I suspect that proper expectations come from knowing the truth about myself and others in my intimate sphere. If I project past pain into a situation, I might expect others to rewrite a tragic history they had nothing to do with. I do not know why, but it seems that it is only the crucible of harsh life experiences that unveils the deepest truth of who I am to myself and others. And it takes work to know others and build trust. It is a good investment to make.

Artwork by Tomislav Tikulin

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