Endigar 611 ~ A Safety Net

From the Daily Reflections of November 18;

Occasionally. . . . We are seized with a rebellion so sickening that we simply won’t pray. When these things happen we should not think too ill of ourselves-. We should simply resume prayer as soon as we can, doing what we know to be good for us.   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 105)

Sometimes I scream, stomp my feet, and turn my back on my Higher Power. Then my disease tells me that I am a failure, and that if I stay angry I’ll surely get drunk. In those moments of self-will it’s as if I’ve slipped over a cliff and am hanging by one hand. The above passage is my safety net, in that it urges me to try some new behavior, such as being kind and patient with myself. It assures me that my Higher Power will wait until I am willing once again to risk letting go, to land in the net, and to pray.

 

END OF QUOTE

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I remember a story of a man named Jacob who wrestled with God or one of his duly appointed representatives.  He left with a limp and a promise of protection and prosperity.   Sometimes the path to connecting with my Higher Power is not pretty or graceful.  Sometimes I must chose to withdraw or connect in frustration and anger.  Yet to withdraw means that there must be a relationship to pull back from.  To fuss and fume means there is an acceptance of the very real presence of Gomu (God of my understanding) in my life.  Faith empowers a relationship and no one is going to have an intimate connection with me and not see me struggle.  I accept the fact that I am a bit of a spiritual savage and give myself some lee way.

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