Endigar 612 ~ “I Was Slipping Fast”

From the Daily Reflections of November 19;

We A.A.’s are active folk, enjoying the satisfactions of dealing with the realities of life, . . . So it isn’t surprising that we often tend to slight serious meditation and prayer as something not really necessary.   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 96)

I had been slipping away from the program for some time, but it took a death threat from a terminal disease to bring me back, and particularly to the practice of the Eleventh Step of our blessed Fellowship.  Although I had fifteen years of sobriety and was still very active in the program, I knew that the quality of my sobriety had slipped badly. Eighteen months later, a checkup revealed a malignant tumor and a prognosis of certain death within six months. Despair settled in when I enrolled in a rehab program, after which I suffered two small strokes which revealed two large brain tumors. As I kept hitting new bottoms I had to ask myself why this was happening to me. God allowed me to recognize my dishonesty and to become teachable again. Miracles began to happen. But primarily I relearned the whole meaning of the Eleventh Step. My physical condition has improved dramatically, but my illness is minor compared to what I almost lost completely.





I do not like this fellow’s Gomu (God of my understanding).  It is one sociopathic deity.  He has been sober for fifteen years and he felt the “quality” of his sobriety slipping badly.  Apparently he was not involved in the pursuit of his conscious contact with God enough, and since his Higher Power could not get him to relapse, he hit him with a body full of serious tumors.  He states further that he had been dishonest and unteachable.  Both why he was guilty and what he learned is very nebulous and unclear.  I suspect that he is in a co-dependent relationship with God, and the unnecessary burden of guilt that he manufactures is causing his body to turn on itself.  It is an important skill to learn to separate the true from the false.  In this process, facts are our friends.  It is not necessary to beat yourself up to gain depth with your Higher Power.

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