Endigar 491 ~ Helping Others

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 20)

Self-centeredness was my problem. All my life people had been doing things for me and I not only expected it, but I was ungrateful and resentful they didn’t do more. Why should I help others, when they were supposed to help me? If others had troubles, didn’t they deserve them? I was filled with selfpity, anger and resentment. Then I learned that by helping others, with no thought of return, I could overcome this obsession with selfishness, and if I understood humility, I would know peace and serenity. No longer do I need to drink.

END OF QUOTE

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wolf-pack-howling-med

I really do not relate to this contribution to the Daily Reflections, as much as I dig down and try.  I am sorry.  I want to be helpful.

It seems to me that I have always been repulsed at the idea of being helped by others and left with a lingering sense of self-loathing when that was the only answer I could find.  It is part of the difficulty of this program for me.  It is part of the reason I tend to cherish ideas that involve isolated self-reliance.

Helping others also arouses great feelings of futility when those that willingly take aid seem to be a black hole of continuous dependency.

That is why the concept that this is a selfish program was such a saving grace for me.  I can trust the primal instincts of self-preservation in myself and others.  I can help others because it helps me.  That is simple and liberating.  I can accept help from others who are also bent on self-preservation.  I think this is why it is easier for an alcoholic to trust another alcoholic.

If my rabid self-protecting altruism actually helps others, and I actually begin to care about others, well… that is the magic of the program and a gift from Gomu (God of my understanding)  It is not me.

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