Endigar 491 ~ Helping Others
From Today’s Daily Reflections;
Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 20)
Self-centeredness was my problem. All my life people had been doing things for me and I not only expected it, but I was ungrateful and resentful they didn’t do more. Why should I help others, when they were supposed to help me? If others had troubles, didn’t they deserve them? I was filled with selfpity, anger and resentment. Then I learned that by helping others, with no thought of return, I could overcome this obsession with selfishness, and if I understood humility, I would know peace and serenity. No longer do I need to drink.
END OF QUOTE
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I really do not relate to this contribution to the Daily Reflections, as much as I dig down and try. I am sorry. I want to be helpful.
It seems to me that I have always been repulsed at the idea of being helped by others and left with a lingering sense of self-loathing when that was the only answer I could find. It is part of the difficulty of this program for me. It is part of the reason I tend to cherish ideas that involve isolated self-reliance.
Helping others also arouses great feelings of futility when those that willingly take aid seem to be a black hole of continuous dependency.
That is why the concept that this is a selfish program was such a saving grace for me. I can trust the primal instincts of self-preservation in myself and others. I can help others because it helps me. That is simple and liberating. I can accept help from others who are also bent on self-preservation. I think this is why it is easier for an alcoholic to trust another alcoholic.
If my rabid self-protecting altruism actually helps others, and I actually begin to care about others, well… that is the magic of the program and a gift from Gomu (God of my understanding) It is not me.
Daily Reprieve 
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