Endigar 442 ~ Lay Down the Burden of Self

WARNING – SPOILER ALERT!  If you have not watched the new Battlestar Galactica series yet (and I highly recommend that you do), then this post contains quotes from that series.

Last night I was watching the new Battlestar Galactica series.  The particular episode was entitled “Lay Down Your Burden.”  The chief was getting counseling from a priest, and I felt the words resonate, as though my Higher Power was sneaking in on me:

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Cavill: Chief Tyrol, I am Brother Cavill. I understand you’ve asked for religious counseling.

Tyrol: I never really believed in psych therapy. My father was a priest.

Cavill: I see. You thought you’d have an easier time with a priest than a real doctor.

Tyrol: Okay. I pray to gods every night. But I don’t think they listen to me.

Cavill: Do you know how useless prayer is? Chanting and singing and mucking about with old half-remembered lines of bad poetry. And you know what it gets you? Exactly nothing.

Tyrol: Are you sure you’re a priest?

Cavill: I’ve been preaching longer than you’ve been sucking down oxygen. And in that time, I’ve learned enough to know that the gods don’t answer prayers. We’re here on our own. That’s the way they set things up. We have to find our own answers, our own way out of the wilderness without a nice little sunny path all laid out in front of us in advance.

Tyrol: That’s what I’m trying to do. I’m trying to find my way.

Cavill: Well, it’s not going to get better until you see what the problem is. And the problem is, you’re screwed up, heart and mind. You. Not the–not the gods or fate or the universe. You.

Tyrol: Thanks for the pep talk.

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I felt like I was in an AA meeting.

When my fear and anxiety rise, it is very difficult for me to tell the difference between the Voice of Gomu (God of my understanding) and the Voice of my Fear.  I decided to surrender this morning to the reality that God is using AA to bypass my fear blockage and help me to hear what he is continuously saying to me.  It was a speaker meeting, and I was overwhelmed by the spiritual resonance of the speaker’s words.

The speaker touched me deeply when he talked about how God had dealt with relationship difficulties between he and his son.  I felt that I needed to trust my sponsor’s words.  Back off, and let God take care of it.

Then the speaker talked about how he blamed everyone else in order to take the focus off of the reality that he was his own problem.  He railed against the church in meetings, but it was not the church that was his problem.  It was himself. 

The counseling session on BSG continues:

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Cavill: And you were having the same dream when Cally woke you up, weren’t you?

Tyrol: I don’t know. I don’t remember. Maybe. It doesn’t matter, does it? All I remember is Cally o­n the ground and the blood.

Cavill: She stopped you. By waking you up, she prevented you from carrying out your secret desire to kill yourself.

Tyrol: I don’t have a secret desire to kill myself.

Cavill: Well, actually, you’re right. It’s not a secret. You obviously want to kill yourself. Question is why…….

Cavill: How long are you going to do this? How long are you going to refuse to see what’s right in front of your face? Forget it. I’m done.

Tyrol: What, you’re– you’re leaving?

Cavill: That’s right. I’m done. I’m done dancing around the truth with you. You know what’s going o­n. But you can’t or you won’t face it, so… I’m not a therapist. I’m not going to hold your hand and help you along. I’m just trying to get you right with yourself and with your gods, but you’re not willing to do it.

Tyrol: I don’t even know what you’re talking about.

Cavill: Oh for gods’ sake, chief! Come o­n! You think you’re a cylon.

Tyrol: I am not a cylon.

Cavill: Well, of course you’re not. But that’s what you’re afraid of, isn’t it? That you might be a cylon and not even know it just–just like Boomer, right? Right? That’s the thought that’s torturing your dreams and crippling your soul. I’m a cylon, just like Sharon, and I deserve to die.

Tyrol: Sharon didn’t know what she was. She just kept thinking– feeling that she was going to do this terrible thing. But she knew that she had to stop herself before she did.

Cavill: And you think that’s what you’re going to do. Some terrible thing. Well, the truth is, you might. But not because you’re a cylon. Because you’re a human being, and human beings do terrible things all the time.

Tyrol: But how do you know I’m human?

Cavill: Oh, well, maybe because T’m a cylon, and I’ve never seen you at any of the meetings. There’s not much more I can do for you. You’re going to have to go back to work and try and leave all of this behind you.

Tyrol: No. I– I can’t. I can’t go back and face the deck people again. And Cally?

Cavill: Well, you’d better. That’s the o­nly family you’ve got. Just know that that’s your family and that they love you. Even Cally. Especially Cally. If you doubt your humanity and your essential nature as a human being, all you need to do is look to them for the salvation you’ve been seeking from the gods. The gods lift up those who lift each other, Chief.

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I like the modification of “God help those that help themselves.”

I am listening, to the God that gives a damn.

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