Endigar 372 ~ Crying for the Moon

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

“This very real feeling of inferiority is magnified by his childish sensitivity and it is this state of affairs which generates in him that insatiable, abnormal craving for self-approval and success in the eyes of the world.  Still a child, he cries for the moon.  And the moon, it seems, won’t have him!”  (The Language of the Heart, page 102)

While drinking I seemed to vacillate between feeling totally invisible and believing I was the center of the universe.  Searching for that elusive balance between the two has become a major part of my recovery.  The moon I constantly cried for is, in sobriety, rarely full;  it shows me instead its many other phases, and there are lessons in them all.  True learning has often followed an eclipse, a time of darkness, but with each cycle of my recovery, the light grows stronger and my vision is clearer.



(feeling of inferiority) childish sensitivity = (craving for self-approval and success in eyes of world) insatiable, abnormal = Immature child cries for the unobtainable and experiences a rejection he has manufactured.

|-invisibility| – |+center of universe| = drinking (0) in response to manufactured rejection

(|-invisibility| + |+center of universe|)/2 = balance in recovery

It appears to me that creating formulas of internal logic to prove to myself that I am significant is a common pathway for manufactured rejection.  I scream out to my surrounding universe, “I am either Everything, or I am Nothing, what is Your answer going to be!”


I hold myself hostage because I desperately want to be number one with something or somebody.  I carry within me a very frightened child.  The recovery program teaches me to turn the situation around, and look to the GOMU (God of my understanding) and ask that question of myself.  I give to the Universe what I desperately want to receive.  My new question then is, when I consider my God, can I give myself to an all-consuming everything relationship?  If I need to receive that, I need to learn how to give it.  I am an alcoholic, and I have approached life with an everything or nothing attitude.  By giving what i desire to have in my primary spiritual relationship, I will discover just how significant my existence is to my God.  Then I can find balance and learn from all phases of the Moon.

“When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crises we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is or He isn’t. What was our choice to be?” (page 53, Alcoholics Anonymous)


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