Endigar 282

From Endigar 277;

~ The concepts and thoughts that I value will be overshadowed by a stronger presence.  The products of my mind and heart will be dismissed as insignificant in a crowd, and assaulted in the presence of a strong presentation.  This idea moves me into withdrawal seasoned with a continuous, simmering, judgment or open and probably unwarranted aggression.  People are usually surprised by the latter.  Another idea that came out that seems related is that I would become nobody if not cloaked in some special ability. 

~ Uncontrolled and spiritually undeveloped people will attack or hurt me.  This leads me to create protective alliances by pretending weakness, vulnerability, or hurt.  I call this the belly up manipulation.  It is such an ingrained practice that I don’t realize when I am doing it. 

Is this a root idea, or is it a resulting fear of something else?  Is it related to the discussion of the idea in Endigar 281?  A couple of other ideas that seem to be close relatives to these are:

~ Personal assertions that are not wrapped in a mantle of pain, depression, and anguish will not be taken seriously.  Assertions expressed with happiness will be seen as frivolous and thus, discarded.   I realized I felt this at a Hoot Owl meeting this weekend when the topic was on laughter and not being a glum lot.  It appears that this might create the deliberate manufacture of misery, a habit of morbid self-reflection, and the need to condemn simplicity.

~ Honesty is a social control mechanism and has very little to do with the discovery of truth.  When I hear someone say, “I just want you to be honest with me,” I translate that to mean, “I just want you to give me enough personal information to ensnare you.”  When I got my first Big Book, I attempted to go through and mark out and replace every mention of the word HONESTY with the word TRUTH.  I gave up, because it was all over the place in my book. 

The true powerlessness here belongs to the actual root idea, and I am just not sure what that is.  I need to get with my guide and talk some more on this.

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