Endigar 282
From Endigar 277;
~ The concepts and thoughts that I value will be overshadowed by a stronger presence. The products of my mind and heart will be dismissed as insignificant in a crowd, and assaulted in the presence of a strong presentation. This idea moves me into withdrawal seasoned with a continuous, simmering, judgment or open and probably unwarranted aggression. People are usually surprised by the latter. Another idea that came out that seems related is that I would become nobody if not cloaked in some special ability.
~ Uncontrolled and spiritually undeveloped people will attack or hurt me. This leads me to create protective alliances by pretending weakness, vulnerability, or hurt. I call this the belly up manipulation. It is such an ingrained practice that I don’t realize when I am doing it.
Is this a root idea, or is it a resulting fear of something else? Is it related to the discussion of the idea in Endigar 281? A couple of other ideas that seem to be close relatives to these are:
~ Personal assertions that are not wrapped in a mantle of pain, depression, and anguish will not be taken seriously. Assertions expressed with happiness will be seen as frivolous and thus, discarded. I realized I felt this at a Hoot Owl meeting this weekend when the topic was on laughter and not being a glum lot. It appears that this might create the deliberate manufacture of misery, a habit of morbid self-reflection, and the need to condemn simplicity.
~ Honesty is a social control mechanism and has very little to do with the discovery of truth. When I hear someone say, “I just want you to be honest with me,” I translate that to mean, “I just want you to give me enough personal information to ensnare you.” When I got my first Big Book, I attempted to go through and mark out and replace every mention of the word HONESTY with the word TRUTH. I gave up, because it was all over the place in my book.
The true powerlessness here belongs to the actual root idea, and I am just not sure what that is. I need to get with my guide and talk some more on this.
Daily Reprieve 
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