Endigar 146

I took a big risk last night.  I talked with my Higher Power about total surrender.  I guess a better term for me would be the idea of a spiritual swap.  I saw how well it has worked for my return to the military, and I became jealous of myself.  By that I mean that I really wanted to see that kind of serenity and strength in all areas of my life. 

I took all of my goals and aspirations that I have been struggling to bring to life and sealed them in a storage facility on the other side of life, the one we know so little of, but that I have been given the gift of faith to believe actually exists.  In return, the Higher Power will occupy the various expressions of me, here and now.  I practice doing everything with this realization, following intuitive guidance.

I really have nothing to lose.  If the Higher Power does reach out through me, and I experience the connectedness with It and my fellows, and a release from fear, my life will be greatly enhanced.  If nothing results from doing this, I will be left with the same frustrations I had before.  Self-enthronement was not working for me, but it is always an option. 

The risk is that I will yank back control based on some level of disappointment, and judge the Higher Power to be inadequate.  High expectations can lead to great discouragements.  So I must have a commitment to this course of action that goes beyond emotional highs and lows.  And the only way that is possible for me, is if the Higher Power truly takes me up on this offer to swap lives.  I believe It will and has done that.  I feel an excitement at the prospect.  

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