Endigar 1105
From Courage to Change of Nov 21:
Sometimes I think that, because I’ve been in Al-Anon for a long time, I shouldn’t have any more problems. When difficulties do arise, I feel something is wrong with me or with the program.
Actually, in some ways I have more problems than ever. When I came to Al-Anon, I had only one problem: I didn’t know how to fix the alcoholic. (My life was completely in shambles, but I swore that I was fine.) Today I know that I can’t fix anyone but myself, and I challenge myself daily to seek a richer, more meaningful life. I’m taking risks, facing fears, making changes, speaking up, making myself available to life.
I’m bound to run into snags here and there. Sometimes life doesn’t follow my blueprint. I get overwhelmed and want to crawl under the covers and hide. At such a time it helps to remember that Al-Anon doesn’t take away problems, but it does give me the courage and insight to turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones.
Today’s Reminder
In handling my difficulties, what’s important isn’t how much time I have in Al-Anon but how willing I am to implement the tools of recovery. While Al-Anon doesn’t grant immunity from problems, it does offer a healthy way to deal with them.
“Troubles are often the tools by which God fashions us for better things.”
~ H.W. Beecher
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NOTE: H. W. Beecher refers to Henry Ward Beecher (1813–1887), a highly influential American Congregationalist minister, abolitionist, social reformer, and public speaker in the 19th century.
He was one of the most famous preachers in the United States during his lifetime.
Who he was
- Born: June 24, 1813
- Died: March 8, 1887
- Son of famous preacher Lyman Beecher
- Brother of Harriet Beecher Stowe, author of Uncle Tom’s Cabin
Why he mattered
Beecher was known for:
- Abolitionism – He strongly opposed slavery and supported the Union during the Civil War.
- Progressive theology – He emphasized God’s love over fear-based religion and rejected harsh Calvinism.
- Women’s rights – He supported women’s suffrage (controversial for his era).
- Social reform – He spoke on temperance, poverty, labor issues, and education.
- Powerful oratory – His sermons drew massive crowds; he was considered one of the greatest speakers of the century.
His church in Brooklyn, Plymouth Church, became nationally famous, and he used his pulpit almost like a media platform to shape public opinion.
The scandal
Late in his life, Beecher was involved in a sensational public scandal:
- He was accused of having an affair with Elizabeth Tilton, the wife of his friend Theodore Tilton.
- The case led to a massive public trial in the 1870s.
- The trial ended in a hung jury, so he was never convicted, but his reputation was deeply divided afterward.
END OF NOTE—————————————
There is a quiet humility in admitting that longevity in the program does not equal immunity from life. It is a mistake to give into that ache that causes me to say, “surely by now I should be done struggling.” And I recognize that voice—not as weakness, but as the lingering echo of perfectionism disguised as spirituality.
I once believed recovery would make life smoother. Fewer conflicts. Fewer fears. A clean emotional horizon. What I’m slowly learning is that recovery does not flatten the terrain—it returns my eyesight. I now see the hills I once stumbled over blindfolded. I notice the interior weather. I hear my own resistance. And sometimes that awareness is exhausting.
But this is the difference:
Before, I was drowning and calling it swimming.
Now, I am swimming—and occasionally tiring—but still moving.
The old life was denial wrapped in bravado: “I’m fine.”
The new life is truth spoken gently: “I am struggling, and I am still showing up.”
How willing am I to continue to carry my spiritual toolbox forward with me.
That is where the living edge of recovery is. Not seniority. Not identity. Not performance. But willingness. Willingness to pause. To inventory. To reach out. To sit with discomfort instead of armoring against it. Willingness to let life interrupt my blueprint without collapsing into resentment.
Sometimes I absolutely want to hide. Sometimes I want the covers. Sometimes I want to be done.
And that, too, is part of the human curriculum.
But the promise is not escape.
The promise is transformation of relationship.
The problems remain.
But I am no longer alone with them.
I am no longer dishonest with them.
I am no longer powerless before them.
Today, I do not measure my recovery by the absence of difficulty.
I measure it by this quieter miracle:
That I still show up.
That I still tell the truth.
That I still reach.
That I still believe becoming is possible.
And that is enough for today.
Daily Reprieve 
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