Endigar 867

From Courage to Change of May 6:

I was intimidated by Step Five, because it meant revealing my darkest secrets to another person. Afraid that I would be rejected for being less than prefect, I put so much energy into hiding the truth that, although no once rejected me, I was as isolated and lonely as if they had.

When I realized how painful it was to continue living that way, I found a Sponsor and asked for help. We worked the Fifth Step, and I shared some of m characteristics and attitudes that I found particularly shameful. My Sponsor began to laugh. “You see,” he quickly explained, “I’m laughing because five years ago I sad the same things to my Sponsor, almost word for word!”

I would never have imagined the universality of my experiences. I would never have guessed that, in sharing what I felt made me different from other people, I would discover how alike we all really are.

Today’s Reminder

Many have known shame and fear and many have known joy. Sharing mine with others today will make my ride through life a smoother one.

“Deep down I had the nagging knowledge that there would be no real relief from myself until I could bring my problem out in the open and talk to somebody else about it . . .” ~ As We Understood . . .

END OF QUOTE—————————————

I have done Step 5 three times in my struggle to find the truth of Me and to be free of the burden of self isolation. I thought my issues were never going to be as significant in degree as others’ experiences. Not true. I thought my confessions would expose my personally repulsive weaknesses. Again, not true. I feared that I would confirm that I was an imposter, completely useless to myself and others. The exposing flames of my own burning bush did not consume me. It revealed Me to myself.

This burning truth of my reality is that I can find a useful uniqueness when I am no longer defined by the flaws of my humanity which are not the flaws of my own existence. I was shown a process to confront the burden of my self-loathing. There are so many things in my past that I used to carry with me. They are gone from my daily thinking. I bear witness that the program works when the moral inventory remains a fearless endeavor.

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