Endigar 808

From Courage to Change of March 16;

Progress can be hard to recognize, especially if our expectations are unrealistically high. If we expect our negative attitudes or unhealthy behavior to change quickly and completely, we are likely to be disappointed — progress is hard to see when we measure ourselves against idealized standards. Perhaps it would be better to compare our present circumstances only to where we had been in the past.

For example, a Fourth Step inventory led me to realize that I hold grudges and that they hurt me. I try to let go of resentments and I despair when these attitudes persist. Fortunately, Al-Anon has taught me to focus on progress, not perfection. Although sometimes I still hold on to resentments, I know I’m making progress because I don’t do it as often as I used to or for as long a time.

Today I am no longer seeking perfection; the only thing that matters is the direction in which I’m moving.

Today’s Reminder

As a result of hard work in Al-Anon and a willingness to change, I am moving in a positive direction. I will celebrate my progress today. I know that the process of recovery will continue to help me grow toward a better way of living.

“Keep adding little by little and you will soon have a big hoard.” ~ Latin Proverb


END OF QUOTE—————————————

I tend to procrastinate. I have difficulty completing projects. I am highly distractible. My attempts to confront these short-comings lead to internal proclamations; “From this day forth, I shall be efficient and focused!” When this resolve expired within the coming days, I would build great resentments against myself. The image of what I wasn’t grew stronger. The tyrant of the “perfect me” gave birth to an anarchist rebellion within. Responsibilities were to be evaded and minimized. Withdrawal from public observation was paramount. Introspection gave way to morbid rumination. The overall direction of my life drew me to a lack of confidence inspired by self-hatred.

My alcoholism forced me to fail in monumental fashion. The recovery I sought forced my life into the spotlight of a moral inventory. There were others around me who had overcome bit by bit while continuing to fall along the way. I was accepted by these “non-saints” who moved toward a life worth sharing. The “perfect me” tyrant was revealed to be an icon I forged to stand above all criticism. There was nothing truly perfect about it. Establishing a standard of perfection while in a very imperfect state is an exercise in futility. The Infinite One has a grasp on what perfection truly looks like, and still created me. Perfection then, is progress in this relationship with the ultimate loving Father. This is now my reality, and it works well for me.

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