Endigar 758

From Courage to Change of January 28;

Newcomers are often surprised at the number of years longtime members have been attending Al-Anon meetings. They may be even more surprised that some of us have sobriety in our homes, or no longer have any alcoholics in our lives. Why do we keep coming back? For many of us the answer is “serenity.”

Sometimes I get impatient, or rebellious, or bored. I go through periods where I see little change in myself, and I begin to doubt. But even after many years of Al-Anon recovery, if I miss too many meetings, things seem to became unmanageable all over again. I have been affected by someone else’s drinking. I don’t want to underestimate the lasting impact that Alcoholism has had on me. So I keep coming back.

I came to Al-Anon for a quick fix for my pain, but I stay because of the consistency, security, and friendship I find each day. Because of my commitment to my own growth, I am able to handle very difficult situations with a great deal of peace, and the delight in my life continues to exceed my wildest dreams.

Today’s Reminder

I see my recovery as a healthy way of life that I can gladly share with others. Today I am actively pursuing a better life because I am working on myself.

“Just for today I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it.”  ~ Just for Today

END OF QUOTE—————————————-

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It seems that the primary damage of alcoholism is isolation. In the mind of those under the impact of alcoholism, directly and indirectly, true connection and intimacy become threats and the most immediate solution is to close off these areas of vulnerability. The primary feeding source of the alcoholic disease to the primary victim and the surrounding network of those he or she is connected with is fear and anxiety. So it seems to me. This isolation and fear reinforce one another. The intimacy built on this swirling nightmare is a series of ever shifting negative contracts.

To counter this isolation, I need relationships that have the mutual goal of seeing the highest version of myself manifest. To counter the fear, I need the development of trust, of faith, that something out there gives a damn about me. About us. It is life and death for me and those who love me.

In saying this, I have found that there is a profound difference between the lazy skepticism found in the reclusive alcoholic/addict and the scientific testing that requires professional skepticism. Science works a program called the scientific method and merges its skepticism with action. The skepticism of the alcoholic/addict and those who love them is not the product of research, but of “professional criticism” of the surrounding world.

A sluggard says, “There’s a lion in the road,
    a fierce lion roaming the streets!”
As a door turns on its hinges,
    so a sluggard turns on his bed.
A sluggard buries his hand in the dish;
    he is too lazy to bring it back to his mouth.
A sluggard is wiser in his own eyes
    than seven people who answer discreetly.

Proverbs 26: 13-16

The sluggard of Proverbs is the professional critic in us all. It causes us to justify isolation and inactivity by embracing fear, a lion in the street. That self-proclaimed wisdom rejects the connections we need, the seven other people who answer discreetly. This is something I fight, this plaguing feeling that there is a lion in the streets, and it is better for me to stay in bed. Until it becomes my deathbed.

No, I want to live. I need to connect. I need to trust the God of my understanding. My Gomu.

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