Endigar 751

From Courage to Change of January 22;

I tried so hard to learn detachment. Living with active alcoholism was confusing , and the idea of detachment seemed vague. The alcoholic in my life was a restless sleeper who fell out of bed almost every night. Feeling it my duty, I would always help him back into bed. One night, after attending Al-Anon meetings for a while, I stepped over his body and got into bed, leaving him on the floor. Triumphantly, I went to my next Al-Anon meeting and told them, “I finally learned detachment!” “Well,” they said, “that’s not exactly what we meant. We meant detachment with love.

I left that meeting with a new understanding that I put into proactive the very next time my loved one fell out of bed. When I found him in the floor, I still didn’t help him into bed. But I did put a blanket over him before stepping over his body and going to bed myself. This, to me, was detachment with love.

Today’s Reminder

With my Higher Power’s help, I will keep  loving blanket of detachment with me. I will cover my loved ones with it, whether or not they struggle with a disease, keeping in mind that when I am dealing with other human beings, I am dealing with children of God.

“Detachment is not isolation, nor should it remain focused on not enabling the sick behavior of the past. Detachment is not a wall; it is a bridge across which the Al-Anon may begin a new approach to life and relationships generally.” ~ Al-Anon: Family Treatment Tool in Alcoholism


END OF QUOTE————————————–


I suppose that if detachment becomes a passive-aggressive form of retaliation, it becomes an unhealthy way of processing resentment. Who does the practice of detachment benefit? Is it me or is it my actively addicted loved one? It benefits me, first and foremost, and if I cannot recognize the spiritual significance of my own life, then I am actively sick. I have to want to live. I have to desire life. My own life. Detachment is really attachment to me, true connection with the higher form of Self through the help of a Higher Power, a spiritual path to recovery from of a twisted and malfunctioning conscience and a maligned view of what love looks like.

Indirectly, my detachment well-lived will provide an example of valuing my own life, and if my alcoholic or addictive loved one is going to make it, they have to want to live. That is step zero for them. And for those of us who love them. It all begins with this healthy dose of positive self-care.



Art Credit: “Sleep” by aneteya on deviantart

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