Endigar 708 ~ I’m Part of the Whole

From the Daily Reflections of February 21;

At once, I became a part — if only a tiny part — of a cosmos. . . . (As Bill Sees It, page 225).

When I first came to A.A., I decided that “they” were very nice people — perhaps a little naive, a little too friendly, but basically decent, earnest people (with whom I had nothing in common). I saw “them” at meetings — after all, that was where “they” existed. I shook hands with “them” and, when I went out the door, I forgot about “them.”

Then one day my Higher Power, whom I did not then believe in, arranged to create a community project outside of A.A., but one which happened to involve many A.A. members. We worked together, I got to know “them” as people. I came to admire “them,” even to like “them” and, in spite of myself, to enjoy “them.” “Their” practice of the program in their daily lives — not just in talk at meetings — attracted me and I wanted what they had. Suddenly the “they” became “we.” I have not had a drink since.





To be honest this feeling of seeing others in the program as a “we” instead of a “them,” is an off and on experience for me. Sometimes I have moments, even periods of time, where I feel true unity with others in the Fellowship. I know how important connection is in overcoming that deadly brand of selfishness that festers in isolation. So I do my best to keep making meetings, keep making small talk, keep calling my sponsor and others in the network. This is something I desire and need, but is also something that is very difficult for me to achieve in the face of my recurrent social anxiety. The more face to face time I can embrace in this program of recovery the more my life becomes stronger in the group.


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