Endigar 699 ~ “The Root of Our Troubles”
From the Daily Reflections of February 12;
Selfishness — self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 62).
How amazing the revelation that the world, and everyone in it, can get along just fine with or without me. What a relief to know that people, places and things will be perfectly okay without my control and direction. And how wordlessly wonderful to come to believe that a power greater than me exists separate and apart from myself. I believe that the feeling of separation I experience between me and God will one day vanish. In the meantime, faith must serve as the pathway to the center of my life.
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“Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 62).
The phrase “this selfishness” refers to a particular kind of selfishness described on the previous pages. It refers to isolated self will.
It is important to me that this need to remove isolated selfishness does not also purge away my ability to exercise self-care. Without a strong dose of this good kind of “selfishness,” I will become a martyr to co-dependence. The false image of a powerful self standing alone requires self-deception and a lot of alcohol to replace the blood of humanity pumping through my body. My intrinsic confidence is replaced with fantasy-protecting pride and I grow deaf to the God that will only speak to me with truth. It is important to me that in my iconoclastic zealotry for humility, I take care not to destroy my good self-care crops while pulling the weeds of addiction up by the roots of my self-centered hermitage. This is a selfish program in that it only works when I care about myself enough to surrender my isolated selfishness. This, to me, is the powerful paradox of AA, and many other spiritual pursuits.
Daily Reprieve 
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