Endigar 670 ~ Hitting Bottom
From the Daily Reflections of January 16;
Why all this insistence that every A.A. must hit bottom first? The answer is that few people will sincerely try to practice the A.A. program unless they have hit bottom. For practicing A.A.’s remaining eleven Steps means the adoption of attitudes and actions that almost no alcoholic who is still drinking can dream of taking. (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 24).
Hitting bottom opened my mind and I became willing to try something different. What I tried was A.A. My new life in the Fellowship was a little like learning how to ride a bike for the first time: A.A. became my training wheels and my supporting hand. It’s not that I wanted the help so much at the time; I simply did not want to hurt like that again. My desire to avoid hitting bottom again was more powerful than my desire to drink. In the beginning that was what kept me sober. But after a while I found myself working the Steps to the best of my ability. I soon realized that my attitudes and actions were changing — if ever so slightly. One Day at a Time, I became comfortable with myself, and others, and my hurting started to heal. Thank God for the training wheels and supporting hand that I choose to call Alcoholics Anonymous.
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Early in my life I devoted myself to God through the substitutionary atonement of Jesus Christ. Death and dissolution in my family stripped away the pillar of faith I had so thoroughly trusted. I lost any belief in God or the unseen worlds and that spiritual bankruptcy was when my heart truly hit bottom. Alone and betrayed I gave myself to alcohol. I have not experienced any consequence in my active alcoholism that comes close to the horror, pain, and humiliation of losing my faith. The death of loved ones to a God long gone was unbearable. The steady performance of duties and responsibilities were mockery, futility, and entrapment. I hit bottom before I gave myself to alcohol.
I relapsed often in the beginning of recovery because I did not want to invest in another spiritual pursuit only to have it boomerang around and rip me in pieces once more. Alcohol saved my life by giving me an alternative to suicide and by introducing me to the pragmatic morality and the inclusive, simple faith of Alcoholics Anonymous. I am grateful to the GOMU (God of my understanding) of AA that restored my faith that something out there loves us.
Daily Reprieve 
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