Daily Reprieve

Having a right relationship with God seemed to be an impossible order. My chaotic past had left me filled with guilt and remorse and I wondered how this “God business” could work. A.A. told me that I must turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand Him. With nowhere else to turn, I went down on my knees and cried, “God, I can’t do this. Please help me!” It was when I admitted my powerlessness that a glimmer of light began to touch my soul, and then a willingness emerged to let God control my life. With Him as my guide, great events began to happen, and I found the beginning of sobriety.

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I came into this program still stinging from religious abuse and betrayal.  The most profoundly destructive response I developed in my post-marital apocalypse was the complete inability to believe there was God.  This was reinforced with the awful realization that if such an entity existed, it was profoundly cruel or psychotic.   Then alcoholism cornered me, and I fled to the 12 step recovery of AA.  I had to go through a process of surrender.  It was not an event.  My first Higher Power concept was the Godfather of the Universe, making me an offer I could not refuse – with Alcohol as his lieutenant “beating me into a state of reasonableness.”  Through my support network and a steady stream of events, I became introduced to an inclusive and loving God.  Every time I opened to Gomu (the God of my understanding) and followed that Intuitive Voice, my life has improved, starting with the miracle of no longer having to drink into oblivion.  I am so glad to be guided by Gomu rather than driven by fear.