Endigar 446 ~ Forming True Partnerships

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most. We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being.  (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 53)

Can these words apply to me, am I still unable to form a true partnership with another human being? What a terrible handicap that would be for me to carry into my sober life! In my sobriety I will meditate and pray to discover how I may be a trusted friend and companion.




“The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being… Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or hide underneath it.  This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us.  Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension.” (Twelve Step and Twelve Traditions, page 53)

I remember coming into AA with an absolute hatred of the word “honesty.”  I tried to go through my Big Book and replace every occurrence with “truthfulness.”  It had been my experience in family and intimate relationships that when someone said to me that they just wanted me to be HONEST, it actually meant they wanted to gather enough evidence for an inevitable prosecution  and condemnation of my failures.  Every example of a partnership I had witnessed demanded a price I was no longer willing to pay.  Emasculation.  Acceptance that I would be wrong in every argument.  Embracing love would invite parasitic personalities and I would be bound by an unending parade of leaches.  A continuous invasion of privacy.  Defiance of these conditions meant absolute abandonment.  So I have ended up with a strong desire for intimate distance.

I have found something that works for me in a power dynamic relationship, but it is not for everyone.  Of brotherhood, I must look to the rooms of AA to practice the possibility of being one among many.

I found a decent article on this topic that suggested the following as components of a truly healthy partnership:

1.  Feeling safe to express yourself without judgment.

2.  Feeling heard.

3.  Being more concerned with truthfulness than with not hurting each other’s feelings.

4.  Respecting each other’s boundaries.

5.  Having an equal balance of power.

6.  Being an avenue for continued growth rather than a distraction from it.

I will include the article on this site as a page.  The original article can be found here;

http://www.bravenewkitty.com/2011/05/healthy-relationships-what-is-a-true-partnership/ ]

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