Endigar 360 ~ . . . And No More Reservations

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

We have seen the truth again and again:  “Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. ” . . . If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind , nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol. . . . To be gravely affected, one does not necessarily have to drink a long time nor take the quantities some of us have.  This is particularly true of women.  Potential female alcoholics often turn into the real thing and are gone beyond recall in a few years.  (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 33)

These words are underlined in my book.  They are true for men and women alcoholics.  On many occasions I’ve turned to this page and reflected on this passage.  I need never fool myself by recalling my sometimes differing drinking patterns, or by believing I am “cured.”  I like to think that, if sobriety is God’s gift to me, then my sober life is my gift to God.  I hope God is as happy with His gift as I am with mine.



Choose not to urinate today.  Save it all until it is time for you to go to bed.  Imagine that if you do not, you will lose your job and family and may even be locked away for special bladder discipline treatment.

Choose not to eat for a month.  Drink only water.  Supposed that you know that if you do not abstain from eating, your children are likely to starve.

Choose not to drink liquid for a week.  Imagine that there is the distinct possibility that you will lose your mind if you do.

Go one step further.  Do not think about voiding your bladder, eating food, or drinking liquids during these times of abstinence. You will be working against your body, against your primal brain.  The more highly developed intelligence will be looking for ways to accommodate the primal desires and needs.  It will be seeking a loop hole to escape the restrictions placed upon the body.

Somehow, I think alcoholism hard-wires into our primal brain.  When I first entered recovery I was seeking abstinence.  The fellowship and the first three steps help me exit the hell of addiction and enter the purgatory of abstinence.  In this place, reservation demons wisp around my head.  “There is power in the bottle, don’t give up five minutes before you become invincible.”  In purgatory I become all too familiar with my weakness and my short-comings are paraded before me,  while those damn reservations beckon me toward some temporary relief.

In this purgatory of abstinence, I have to decide to seek the fourth dimension of the Spiritual world because I must find sobriety.  The only way for me to kill those lurking notions of power over alcohol is to move forward in my spiritual life demonstrated by my willingness and ability to help other alcoholics.

In active addictive thinking, I have no defense against the first drink.  In the temporary refuge of abstinence I have no long term defense against these primal reservations that lead to that first drink.

My goal is to obtain Sobriety from my connection with Gomu (God of my understanding).  I must develop the skill of listening to the intuitive leading of my Higher Power.  I must develop a spiritual power that overcomes my primal powerlessness before alcohol.

“Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power?  Well, that’s exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem.”  (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 45)

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