Endigar 355 ~ Real Independence

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

The more we become willing to depend upon a Higher Power, the more independent we actually are.  (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 36)

I start with a little willingness to trust God and He causes that willingness to grow.  The more willingness I have, the more trust I gain, and the more trust I gain, the more willingness I have.  My dependence on God grows as my trust in Him grows.  Before I became willing, I depended on myself for all my needs and I was restricted by my incompleteness.  Through my willingness to depend upon my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God, all my needs are provided for by Someone Who knows me better than I know myself – even the needs I may not realize, as well as the ones yet to come.  Only Someone Who knows me that well could bring me to be myself and to help me fill the need in someone else that only I am meant to fill.  There never will be another exactly like me.  And that is real independence.

END OF QUOTE

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Reality Check:

As a human being, I am dependent upon the maintenance of an oxygen-filled environment to live.  I am dependent on my government to provide me with an infrastructure and protection.  I am dependent on my body so that I can interact and achieve shelter in my environment.  I am dependent upon the Captains of Industry to maintain an environment rich in technology and economic security.

I was also dependent on alcohol to feel normal, to squelch emotions I did not know how to process, and to create an environment based on an illusion of strength.  That was a false independence.

 

Heart check:

I like the work “Independence.”  It feels like privacy and power.  It seems strong with self-reliance.  It looks like rugged individualism on the screen of my imagination.   Independence day celebrates the victory of a great war and the rejection of a mighty monarch.  Who does not want to wrapped with this mantel of social achievement.

The word “dependence” conjures visions of a baby breastfeeding, an ill patient struggling in a hospital room, or a severally retarded young man being escorted and cared for, drool being wiped away from his chin.  It feels like weakness and a loss of dignity.  This is not the relationship I desire to build with my Higher Power.

 

My Take-Away:

All human souls contain pockets of dependency and unique manifestations of independence.

In recovery, I have decided to take my vulnerability of dependency and trust it to Gomu (God of my understanding), who seems to care deeply about my life.  In this safe place, I can manifest my true individuality and live out the resulting independence.  Powerlessness is a fading problem as the protective umbrella of God promotes my own personal Independence Day celebration.

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