Endigar 346 ~ Surrendering Self-Will
From Today’s Daily Reflection:
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him. (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 34)
No matter how much one wishes to try, exactly how can one turn his own will and his own life over to the care of whatever God he thinks there is? In my search for the answer to this question, I became aware of the wisdom with which it was written: that this is a two-part Step.
I could see many times where I should have died, or at least been injured, during my previous style of living, and it never happened. Someone, or something, was looking after me. I choose to believe my life has always been in God’s care. He alone controls the number of days I will be granted until physical death.
The matter of will (self-will or God’s will) is the more difficult art of the Step for me. It is only when I have experienced enough emotional pain, through failed attempts to fix myself, that I become willing to surrender to God’s will for my life. Surrender is like the calm after the storm. When my will is in line with God’s will for me, there is peace within.
END OF QUOTE
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When I think about the 3rd Step, there are two phrases that stand out to me and they are “OUR will and OUR lives” and the other is “to the CARE of God.” The Step could have been written in this manner;
I made a decision to turn my will and life over to God as I understand Him. It would have been an impossible step for me to take if it had been.
My isolated and isolating self-will is detrimental to my life and welfare, and is of no value to my God or my fellows. The recovered self-will is a product of connection with others and my Higher Power. It is our will and our life because we are in this together. I cannot do this on my own, and as time goes on, I discover that I drank because I never really wanted to do this or anything in isolation. Isolation is different from privacy and meditative solitude.
The second phrase says that we are choosing to turn our will and lives over to the CARE of God. We are choosing to trust in a loving God. We are not surrendering to the JUDGEMENT of God. We are not surrendering to the PERFECTIONISM of God. We are not surrendering to the TRAUMATIC FEAR of God. We are surrendering to the LOVE of God and letting the miraculous success of our lives demonstrate that there is something or someone out there greater than us, who loves and cares about us. It is to that entity or force that we surrender.
Within this context, I surrender to and trust the God of my understanding.
Daily Reprieve 
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