Endigar 284
There is something going on. Stripped of my usual self-expression, I am like a shy little child inside. I feel that the eye of God is moving over me. I went to two meetings today, and it was suggested that I also attend a business meeting, get involved. I took the suggestion. I ended up on an exploratory team to find profitable events for fund-raising for the CA convention this August. I was also able to talk with someone who was smarting from a recent relapse which helped me to feel useful, and I was able to meet with the one currently sponsoring me through the steps. He said that it is inevitable that I will lose perspective, and that is why I contact others in the network who will help me bring my perspective back in tune with reality.
In the course of these activities, I received texts from three different people indicating that I was giving them blank checks in communication, that they were being somewhat hurt by my silence. But I am truly at a loss. My core is just out there in the open.
I had a momentary thought of drinking. I couldn’t believe it. I prayed, and intuitively heard that drinking was an option, and I pretty much knew how that would go. Another option was just to continue to trust and draw from God in spite of my co-dependant relationship with the Higher Power. I chose the latter, and the obsession vanished.
I find myself looking at all my relationships, and I wonder if my co-dependency produced such a delusive power that its absence is going to require me to rebuild on a new basis? I fear that if I retreat to the familiar ways, I will lose access to the new world that might be opening up. I have no clue how or when I am going to be out of this limbo. So I am trying to move carefully and not just slide back into well-worn ruts.
I am fearfully hopeful.
Daily Reprieve 
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