Endigar 236
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
How many times have I been asked, “so what do you do?” And the correct, expected answer is for me to describe my job, what I do for a living. And my identity is carved from whatever quick and easy label was arroused by my response. And to be truthful, I prefer a quick response, a professional distance to most people who come up and inquire, “knock, knock, who’s in there?”
But what happens when I ask myself that question, when I look in the mirror, and I am tempted to give the same answer. So, what do I ache for?
The first thing that comes to mind is that I hunger to know truth with clarity. I want to be able to rise high above it all, and say, “Wow, so that is what it is all about.” I want to be able to bring it all together, the micro and macro universes, the internal and external pulse of life. But, is that more of a method than the actual pursuit?
Rick, what do you ache for? The truest answer is that I don’t know what I ache for right now. I have been disconnected from me for so long, I just don’t know. I want to change that. I do not want to be spiritually lazy and just “throw up my hands,” as they say in We Agnostics.
What do you ache for?
Daily Reprieve 
September 29, 2009 at 9:32 am
I have never known my heart’s longing. I have been searching for it for 41 years. I’ve searched for it in people, in substances, in theologies, in philosophies, through higher learning, by living alternative sexual lifestyles, by depriving my body, mind and spirit of nourishment and undoubtedly in ways of which I’m not even aware. At times I’m certain I know what that longing is, only to watch that confidence fade as quickly as it dawned. Am I of the type who is constitutionally incapable of knowing their own heart?