Endigar 195

Am I alive again?  Has the panic passed?  Can I truly “save myself”?  Detached and alone, isolated from the collective that is the human species.  In denial of the existence of the great what-ever, the unknown God.  Maybe.  It is possible I could carve out a decent survival.  In between putting out fires, I could farm the scared landscape of my personal battleground.

I heard someone quote Bill W. in the meeting last night (although I don’t believe the quote originated with him); “The good is the enemy of the best.”  This individual in the meeting said that for him, the third step, making a decision to turn his will and the care of his life over to the Higher Power, was a promise to trust the Creator of the Universe and accept that God’s will and care would produce the best in his life, over the good. 

And I have seen that my efforts to empower my will in this life are almost always the product of fear and panic.  “If I don’t do this I will not be good enough, I will not survive, my world will fall apart.”  When I trust this Higher Power, who is connected to all things, I relax and learn to accept the best.  For it seems the best only comes through acceptance, and the good only comes through a life of struggle and internal civil wars.  That has been my experience so far.  I could be wrong, but I don’t think so. 

“Praying for His will only.”  I take action as I am directed through intuitive guidance, He gives results beyond my limited personal expectations.  I’ve seen it happen.  I trust the process.

I watched the movie “Secretary” this weekend.  It is a Lion’s Gate production and I love it.  There is one point where the submissive is sitting with other females by the pool, and one of them asked her about the Lawyer she worked for.  “Is he good?”  She breathes out the answer, “He’s the best.”  I want my slave to know that about me as well.

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