GETTING RID OF SELF
The first thing that comes to mind is suicide, yet a program of recovery seems to stand at odds with this ultimate solution. Then I travel back to some churchian training about some mystical process of self mortification and rebirth. The logical conclusion of that practice for me had been the development of self-loathing. Emotional amplification was the only “rebirth” I can remember experiencing as I attempted to humble myself before god. I experienced what I would call ecstasies on rare occasions and they seemed to have to do with a greater self-awareness. Learning to “die daily” never worked for me. I guess I need to understand what the BB is talking about when it says self. So I will start with a simple meditation on the definition and see if meditating on it throughout the day, while I go to work to selfishly get money, return home to selfishly fill my belly, selfishly cultivate conversation with my father because I don’t want to be alone and he supports my life, and then selfishly rest so that I can clearly think about selfishness, and then selfishly go to a meeting tonight because I want to live. Selfish bastard!
self
| 1. |
a person or thing referred to with respect to complete individuality: one’s own self. |
| 2. |
a person’s nature, character, etc.: his better self. |
| 4. |
Philosophy.
| a. |
the ego; that which knows, remembers, desires, suffers, etc., as contrasted with that known, remembered, etc. |
| b. |
the uniting principle, as a soul, underlying all subjective experience. |
|
–adjective
| 5. |
being the same throughout, as a color; uniform. |
| 6. |
being of one piece with or the same material as the rest: drapes with a self lining. |
| 7. |
Immunology. the natural constituents of the body, which are normally not subject to attack by components of the immune system (contrasted with nonself ). |
–pronoun
| 9. |
myself, himself, herself, etc.: to make a check payable to self. |
–verb (used with object), verb (used without object)
Origin:
bef. 900; ME; OE
self, selfa; c. D
zelf, G
selb-, ON
sjalfr, Goth
silba
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This entry was posted on March 5, 2009 at 8:47 am and is filed under Uncategorized with tags Addiction, Alcoholism, Journal, Life, Personal, Recovery, Spirituality. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
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