Endigar 178

I have been thinking about relapse, why some of us struggle with this and others seem to get recovery and run with it.  Here are some speculations:

1.  Those who struggle with relapse are those who are very sensitive to their emotions, and as a result can be very empathetic people.  Creative people would probably fall into this category as well.  Recovery works best the first time around if you can distance yourself from your emotions.  Some are naturally or unnaturally wired this way.  Others have so many negative consequences as a result of their using that they “scar over” and their ability to feel emotion is deadened.  I speculate further that regular, physically demanding exercise produces changes in the brain chemistry that aid an alcoholic / addict in emotional stabilization.

2.  I think there is something in the brain that is able to connect with the energy of other people and beings, but we often protect ourselves from using it.  That part of the brain that defines self acts as a filter to our wireless connection to spiritual energy.  Ego deflation is a way of opening that resource up to the addict / alcoholic.  I speculate that this is a risky process that will not work  in isolation.  If the protective ego wall is lowered, this invisible energy must be tapped.  The ideal is for the sense of self to work in partnership with our spirit connection.  The program works when the goal is connection, not moral exclusion and self-flagellation.

3.  In the first year or so, this risky process of ego deflation is the main focus.  But in the second year, the prospect of emotional relapse looms larger for some than others.  And the program is limited in dealing with that issue.  The obsession in the first year focuses on reconnecting with the drug that gave the illusion of control, the empowerment of the ego.  But as recovery takes hold, the obsession becomes more about emotional amplification.  Swollen emotions have the power to override the judgment center. 

So, I started running again.  Not for the military.  Not for my job.  But to overcome the power of emotional relapse.  It has to be consistent and demanding to alter my brain’s chemistry.  I am my own lab rat.

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