Daily Reprieve

I have great hope for the upcoming year.  I am excited about it actually.  I hate being bored, and this year has all the elements of some mind-boggling drama.  I don’t want the self-destructive excitement of my drinking career.  I want to live beyond the walls I have made for myself, the bomb shelter approach to waking up.  I want to be my own super hero.  The comic book protagonist finds himself captured and taken away by some explosive event, something that mutates him, amplifies some or all aspects of his being.  Some oppression of his past gives purpose to the gift of empowerment.  My Higher Power is proving to be my Gama radiation.  I am not numb to my surroundings and what I call my love environment. 

Every super hero must have a super villain.  Mine would have to be Religious Enslavement.  Sometimes when I share in meetings, I can hear myself saying things that sound good in my head, but when they hit the surrounding oxygen they putrefy into religious shame.  I become a monk flogging myself.  I have lived that life before and I do not want to go back.  I will not bow before Pharaoh again, with the intuitive guidance and aid of my Higher Power. 

Moses had his 10 commandments, I have my 12 steps.  I have crossed the Red Sea of alcoholic obsession.  What do I see ahead of me?  Desert you say?  I have the vision of Eagle’s eyes.  There is a promised land beyond these hot sands.  Stay together and keep moving forward. 

What is evil for me?  Violating a  bunch of religious codes that were constructed to set me up for failure, and in that failure cause me to tithe regularly.  No!  Evil for me is violating the inner law, the created code of my being.  That which causes me to disregard that which I love is evil.  That which causes me to pawn off my future.  That which brings me despair in the midst of my prosperity.  That which causes me to fear all that I have been crafted to achieve.  Mighty Spirit, whoever and whatever you are, I refuse to let your identity be smeared with those who claim to have the exclusive interview with God documented, and to have narrowed you down to their favorite temple icon. 

You are dangerous to them.  And sometimes, to me.  You are unrelenting, yet you know how to use the power of keeping your magic secret.  You are everywhere around me, and everywhere in me.   A massive energy flow that the pious ones have labeled, packaged for sell, while hiding the free source of your presence to protect their business.  I have  learned some helpful principals and practices in their temples.  They shouldn’t have left me alone in their libraries.

Because it is not enough.  I invoke the call of the old testament prophet Ezekiel as given in chapter 34 of his writing.  No more middle men!  No more muddied waters.  Nothing between you and I in the remainder of this journey.  Those who try to interfere will face the chaotic, crazy jealousy of my Higher Power.  So back the fuck off! 

I feel good today.  I’m Rick James, bitch!  A Super Freak.

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This entry was posted on January 1, 2009 at 12:44 pm and is filed under Uncategorized with tags Addiction, Alcoholism, Journal, Life, Personal, Recovery, Spirituality. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.