Daily Reprieve

I dropped my daughter off.  My father has gone to sleep.  My slave is cryptically silent.  I have been to a meeting and talked with my sponsee.  And so that just leaves me.  What does it mean to be “restored to sanity,” as it says in the Second Step.  I was reading some material on this, and it defined insanity as prefering fantasy over reality.  The disconnect between the two comes when the world of fantasy is built upon self-deception.  The fantasy world has many advantages; I am always right, I am always justified, any infringement of my rule is a punishable offense, and the universe bends around my goals, and bows to my creativity.  The problem is that my world has a true population of only one, with some occasional tourists.  Reality is where I export my products to others, and interact.  But I isolate this fantasy world to protect me from dangerous criticism.  It is cold and lonely.   But the steps help build a connection to reality.  The problem with this thinking is that it puts me in a second-guessing frame of mind, and I just don’t need to stay there too long.  But I don’t want to die of isolation and lonliness because I cannot connect the inspiration of my fantasy with the work of my reality.  Balance, grasshopper, balance.

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This entry was posted on November 11, 2008 at 12:06 am and is filed under Uncategorized with tags Addiction, Alcoholism, Journal, Life, Personal, Recovery, Spirituality. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.