Endigar 87

I love being able to live out my Dominant inclanations without guilt or the fear of witchhunts.  And finding a peaceful cohabitation with this program’s demands for self examination, with a religious hunger for self-efacement can be a very challenging balance to achieve.  But the reality that sobriety is like a glass jar that holds everything I value in it has driven me forward.  This time last year, I was in a treatment facility for the second time missing the very special birthday of my slave.  We were debating whether I should release her.  And I was bracing myself for this possible consequence.  But the dynamic has powerfully bound us together, and another reality surfaced.  If I go down, I will take my slave with me.  This shattered any thought that I could crawl off into a hole somewhere and be forgotten while I self destructed.  it was always a delusion, but this really brought it home for me.  Her birthday approaches, and I am here.  I am sober.  And I am Dominant over her.  Self-enthronement will kill me and leave its aftershocks of destruction ever after.  But self-manifestation, that which is strong and rewarding about me, must manifest.  I was not built for a sobriety monastery.  The sabbath was made for the man, not man for the sabbath.  So I’ve heard.

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