Endigar 78

I have a third sponsee as of tonight.  I thought I would share my paraphrase of the 3rd step prayer that I did on the 13th of November, last year:

To my Higher Power,

Because you are specifically interested in me, I desire to know you.  Because you appear to love me and give a damn about what happens to me, and because you are more powerful than my enemy, my disease, I will entrust the care of my life to you.  Because you seemed to be connected to everyone, and to be the representative of the web of the cosmos to me, the repository of universal wisdom, I will trust your guidance for my life.  Because the examples of your demonstrated will around me unfold in creative beauty and satisfy the hunger to truly live, I will subordinate my will to yours.

I have felt ignored and abandoned by you in the past.  I do not claim to understand you.  Or even to have your identity nailed down.  I struggle to hear your voice and understand your activity or lack thereof.  But I have given up the right, the need to argue.  I just need to live.  And you have found me now.  I accept your right to correct my way of life.  I accept you because you accept me.  Own me.  I am yours. 

These are the words I have a prejudice against and will need your help with as I work this program: surrender, willingness, dependence, weakness, good, total obedience, tame, beaten, honesty, homogenizing love, the apathy of peace, serenity, and contentment, predator, molester, bully, stupidity, culturally enforced ignorance, religion, balance.

These are the words that I like and I will also need your help with:  dangerous, strong, honorable, brave, powerful, intelligent, secrets reaper, high pain tolerance, endurance, persistence, pleasure, lust, adventure, vicious, cunning, creative, magic, superseding order out of explosive chaos, animal instinct, stoic, war, ambition, drive, adaptation, stealth, truth.

But I know that the logical conclusion of this disease is jail, insanity, or tragic death.

So I pray this – I am willing to surrender everything about me for you, my Higher Power, to become active  in my life.  I reach as I grow, I do what I know, I  let it all go.  Thank-you for one more apple to eat, a bite at a time.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: