Endigar 66

I have added a little more to the “Explore 164” page.  Now back to the questions based on the 9th step promises:

7.  Tell us Rick, have you lost interest in selfish things?  Have you gained interest in your fellows?  Has self-seeking slipped away?

This particular aspect of the promises feels like a Churchian agenda has been slipped in.  But that may be my own paranoia.

“selfish:  1640, from self (q.v.). Said in Hacket’s life of Archbishop Williams (1693) to have been coined by Presbyterians. In the 17c., synonyms included self-seeking (1628), self-ended and self-ful.”  Online Etymology Dictionary, © 2001 Douglas Harper

Or maybe not.  But I will try not to judge prior to investigation.  What is the actual definition of this word, selfish:

“devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.”

“characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself.”

“concerned chiefly or only with yourself and your advantage to the exclusion of others

“thinking of one’s own pleasure or good and not considering other people

For me, when self concern is protected by cutting yourself off from others, from hardening yourself to them, and devoting your energy to protecting your own self-indulgence, the fortress you build becomes a prison.  In the program of recovery, I have learned that our concern for others actually saves us.  We keep what we are able to give away.  This recovery paradox allows me to be selfishly altruistic.  It is the isolated form of self-seeking that has slipped away for me.  I can connect with others without having to control them, or without having to surrender control to them.  I am an unapologetic sobriety vampire.  Past entanglements in webs of codependency cause me to withdraw from mindless self-sacrifice.  I do not acknowledge such martyrdom as virtue.  Everyone’s boundaries must be in tact for anyone to truly benefit from the connection. 

So to answer the question now that the terms are defined, I have gained interest in my fellows and isolated self-seeking has slipped away.  I never really desired such a lonely existence anyway.  So my interests in preserving it has indeed faded.

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