Daily Reprieve

Acceptance is the answer, or so they say. It really seemed to help today. I asked my Higher Power for some sort of emotional triage this morning. I was hostile to the whole idea of going into work today. Full of piss and vinegar, I sent out a silent scream for help.

Then something happened. The spiritual medic dug around in my gut, and found the following – I have not heard anything from the congressional I submitted, I have heard nothing from the employment availability for the state job, my competitive spirit mixed with a desire for post-divorce vindication caused me to get overly frustrated by my son’s miss on the driving test, the apparent struggles that continue to plague my sponsees, again challenging the universal web’s vindication of this new life. But the strangest piece of shrapnel lodged within was the fear that the web was going to continue a weird duplication, a repugnant destiny that parallels my life and the life of my primary slave’s father. He also is named Rick, and shares the same birthday with me. He was in the military, got out and went to work for Walmart. This is currently my fate. It is like the time when Luke Skywalker discovered Darth Vador to be his father. It feels like a cruelty the universe is playing out in my life. I have tried to say that I am a rewrite in the history of my slave’s life, from abusive father to loving Master. But I felt the sting of cruelties such as these before.

The Medic gave me a dose of serenity-producing acceptance that would allow me to wait on the timing of my Higher Power in reference to the job and the congressional.

He then turned to my issues with my son’s driving test and my sponsees’ struggles and gave me the ability to relax and recognize that which has been accomplished. My son has applied for jobs in two places, has gotten notification for interview, and has had his cherry busted on the road test. I have no doubt that he is ready to pass it. And the universe may yet honor me with the privilege of being the catalyst for that victory. I have planted seeds in the life of both of my sponsees that can be used by their Higher Power, if they allow it. Nothing more than that can be expected.

Finally, acceptance with a redirection of my competitive spirit is given as the way to approach this Vador phenomenon. Compete against myself, not my former wife. Improve and advance wherever I end up in the universe. Do not cringe in fear at some imagined fate. Display courage even in the face of what appears to be divine criticism.

This entry was posted on July 18, 2008 at 10:20 pm and is filed under Uncategorized with tags Addiction, Alcoholism, Journal, Life, Personal, Recovery, Spirituality. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.